Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Understanding, hop into a pair of our shoes

Here is the Carrie novel describing as many aspects
of the public tantrums. 
It was 20 or more minutes, the amount of time it took for us 
to get what we needed at the store 
and 
leave. 
Which at bad points is the only way to 
really stop the fit. 
It does take him 
a while to calm
so at times
he may be over it
but the calming takes some time
these are things you learn after watching
closely after over 2 years of these tantrums.

The other weekend we went to BJ's.
Logan HATES BJ's.
I typically go during the week
when it is less crowded
and
get the giant shopping cart
with the plastic car
attached to it.

He loves the car cart.
I see a germ fest.

But, he will “chase” the straps,
(he likes the visual of items with a tether point)
try to watch the car wheels roll,
(they are stickers)
and
spin the steering wheel.

This will distract him from the harsh
lights, give him something
to focus on instead of hearing
the loud music
and
keep him distracted from his
stress he feels in public settings.

Well, we went on a Sunday.
I now know since it is more crowded
they only increase the music volume
to get it over the crowd noise.

That said, they only have like 2 or 3 of the giant car carts.
So none for Logan.
Since he is doing well verbally,
he began flipping out.
Screaming, “Heeelllp! I NEED HEEEEELLLLLP!!”
His volume only increases
and
went to the point his voice was cracking.

He went back in forth on being
rigid
and
then flailing then limp
(a typical fit for him)
all while being strapped in a regular cart.

People look
and
we take deep breaths
and
keep moving.
Hoping he will work it out.

People keep looking, some avoided coming
down an aisle we were in.
One older man in particular started to widely circle us
while staring
and
then
cutting the circle in half
and
circling again.

At this point I got a few kinds of communication
with Logan that
he wanted out of the seat.
He continued to tantrum
and
I knelt on the floor of BJ's
to begin
joint compressions
and
hand hugs.
These are some things
I can do to calm him in
a fit.
I looked the circling man in the eye
and
waved a nice rigid, “HIIII!”
wave.
He then turned
and
walked away
and
no longer circled us.

Logan calmed for a moment
and
insisted on holding my finger
and
then flailed
and
pulled
and
screamed the wonderful words again.
..you know what I mean..
“HELP! I NEED HEEELLLLP!!”

All while dislocating said finger of mine
that he had a death grip on.

I take a deep breath
removed his death grip from
my poor finger.

Of course, since my 2nd surgery he is concerned
with our Family of 5
“splitting”
especially if I get too far from him.
So, at times to not physically
be touching me
panics him.
But still, I hoped
perhaps he may calm when
I got my finger back.

No such luck.

And he continued to
insist holding onto me.

So, I gave him my entire hand
which he kept
trying to get only one finger.

We continued on throughout all of this.

I finally picked him up.

He screamed the same
rigid, flailing, limp and repeat.

A woman I passed, smiled and looked at us
and said, “I remember those days.”

I at over 10 minutes of the intense public fit

I wanted to say, “Actually, no. He's 4 and Autistic.”
But I did not.

There is no point to do that.
She was luckily (for us) just being nice
and
trying to show understood what it was like.

I got to a point where some of the lights
were off
and
just by getting to a less bright place
I got him to calm some.

Only issue is to get out of the store
is to get back in the bright lights.

So it maintains, but he calmed a tad.

Promising home was not helpful.
He was still mad we did not get a certain shopping cart.

At check out, I had to resort to our typical public
“swing” for Bitty.
Meaning, I lean over
and
suspend him away from my body
and
sway him like he is in,
almost a hammock-like swing.

This at the right time will calm him
if you try it too soon he just gets rigid
and
screams more.
But not here,
so
he calms
and
goes to “Logan Land”
(as named 2 years ago, by our oldest Nephew and Niece,
he spent time there instead of with us.
Kids could see it
but not like some adults, they in a way “understood.”)

He was dead weight in my arms,
staring at the lights
in the ceiling
but happy.

At this point our skinny Bit's body
actually let me know he has put on weight!
Because I was feeling the burn!
This is good!
He is 4 and 18 months shorts are just starting to be a little
snug on him.
A little..
and
at times I can get a 24 month pant
to not completely fall off.

He's so little, socks I bought him 2 years ago,
he is still wearing!
I finally had to throw them out!
He wore holes in them!

Right before check out I knew the store had some
sea salt caramels I would like to try.
I don't usually buy candy
but after the show like that...
yeah..I picked up the candy..
I cope with stress mostly by exercise
but after being pregnant with
our DHR I at times tend to
take it out on some junk food after
a bad bout of public tantrums.

My sweet Andrew put away all the groceries while
I strapped the kids in.
He put the chocolates on my seat in the
van so I could whip them open immediately.
And of course share with him!

As he looked at me at one point and said,
“This is the worst public tantrum I have ever seen.
But it is not the worst he has done for you, is it?”
I said, “No, I have had much worse.”

Life is never dull.
We are given challenges.
We are not graceful but try.
We do the best we can.
We are not perfect and never claim to be.
You must keep on truckin'.

There is a glimpse of what one
moment (a long one) us as
Parents of a child on the Spectrum
is like.

There are plenty of good too!
Those are typically seen as us bragging!

Like I have tried to tell some people
who offer negative criticism
about strangers,
things aren't always what they seem.
You do not know their situation.
Try to understand
before you let your mind
jump to what may or may not be.


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