Here is the Carrie novel describing as many aspects
of the public tantrums.
It was 20 or more minutes, the amount of time it took for us
to get what we needed at the store
and
leave.
Which at bad points is the only way to
really stop the fit.
It does take him
a while to calm
so at times
he may be over it
but the calming takes some time
these are things you learn after watching
closely after over 2 years of these tantrums.
The other weekend we went
to BJ's.
Logan HATES BJ's.
I typically go during the
week
when it is less crowded
and
get the giant shopping
cart
with the plastic car
attached to it.
He loves the car cart.
I see a germ fest.
But, he will “chase”
the straps,
(he likes the visual of
items with a tether point)
try to watch the car
wheels roll,
(they are stickers)
and
spin the steering wheel.
This will distract him
from the harsh
lights, give him something
to focus on instead of
hearing
the loud music
and
keep him distracted from
his
stress he feels in public
settings.
Well, we went on a Sunday.
I now know since it is
more crowded
they only increase the
music volume
to get it over the crowd
noise.
That said, they only have
like 2 or 3 of the giant car carts.
So none for Logan.
Since he is doing well
verbally,
he began flipping out.
Screaming, “Heeelllp! I
NEED HEEEEELLLLLP!!”
His volume only increases
and
went to the point his
voice was cracking.
He went back in forth on
being
rigid
and
then flailing then limp
(a typical fit for him)
all while being strapped
in a regular cart.
People look
and
we take deep breaths
and
keep moving.
Hoping he will work it
out.
People keep looking, some
avoided coming
down an aisle we were in.
One older man in
particular started to widely circle us
while staring
and
then
cutting the circle in half
and
circling again.
At this point I got a few
kinds of communication
with Logan that
he wanted out of the seat.
He continued to tantrum
and
I knelt on the floor of
BJ's
to begin
joint compressions
and
hand hugs.
These are some things
I can do to calm him in
a fit.
I looked the circling man
in the eye
and
waved a nice rigid,
“HIIII!”
wave.
He then turned
and
walked away
and
no longer circled us.
Logan calmed for a moment
and
insisted on holding my
finger
and
then flailed
and
pulled
and
screamed the wonderful
words again.
..you know what I mean..
“HELP! I NEED
HEEELLLLP!!”
All while dislocating said
finger of mine
that he had a death grip
on.
I take a deep breath
removed his death grip
from
my poor finger.
Of course, since my 2nd
surgery he is concerned
with our Family of 5
“splitting”
especially if I get too
far from him.
So, at times to not
physically
be touching me
panics him.
But still, I hoped
perhaps he may calm when
I got my finger back.
No such luck.
And he continued to
insist holding onto me.
So, I gave him my entire
hand
which he kept
trying to get only one
finger.
We continued on throughout
all of this.
I finally picked him up.
He screamed the same
rigid, flailing, limp and
repeat.
A woman I passed, smiled
and looked at us
and said, “I remember
those days.”
I at over 10 minutes of
the intense public fit
I wanted to say,
“Actually, no. He's 4 and Autistic.”
But I did not.
There is no point to do
that.
She was luckily (for us)
just being nice
and
trying to show understood
what it was like.
I got to a point where
some of the lights
were off
and
just by getting to a less
bright place
I got him to calm some.
Only issue is to get out
of the store
is to get back in the
bright lights.
So it maintains, but he
calmed a tad.
Promising home was not
helpful.
He was still mad we did
not get a certain shopping cart.
At check out, I had to
resort to our typical public
“swing” for Bitty.
Meaning, I lean over
and
suspend him away from my
body
and
sway him like he is in,
almost a hammock-like
swing.
This at the right time
will calm him
if you try it too soon he
just gets rigid
and
screams more.
But not here,
so
he calms
and
goes to “Logan Land”
(as named 2 years ago, by
our oldest Nephew and Niece,
he spent time there
instead of with us.
Kids could see it
but not like some adults,
they in a way “understood.”)
He was dead weight in my
arms,
staring at the lights
in the ceiling
but happy.
At this point our skinny
Bit's body
actually let me know he
has put on weight!
Because I was feeling the
burn!
This is good!
He is 4 and 18 months
shorts are just starting to be a little
snug on him.
A little..
and
at times I can get a 24
month pant
to not completely fall
off.
He's so little, socks I
bought him 2 years ago,
he is still wearing!
I finally had to throw
them out!
He wore holes in them!
Right before check out I
knew the store had some
sea salt caramels I would
like to try.
I don't usually buy candy
but after the show like
that...
yeah..I picked up the
candy..
I cope with stress mostly
by exercise
but after being pregnant
with
our DHR I at times tend to
take it out on some junk
food after
a bad bout of public
tantrums.
My sweet Andrew put away
all the groceries while
I strapped the kids in.
He put the chocolates on
my seat in the
van so I could whip them
open immediately.
And of course share with
him!
As he looked at me at one
point and said,
“This is the worst
public tantrum I have ever seen.
But it is not the worst he
has done for you, is it?”
I said, “No, I have had
much worse.”
Life is never dull.
We are given challenges.
We are not graceful but
try.
We do the best we can.
We are not perfect and
never claim to be.
You must keep on truckin'.
There is a glimpse of what
one
moment (a long one) us as
Parents of a child on the
Spectrum
is like.
There are plenty of good
too!
Those are typically seen
as us bragging!
Like I have tried to tell
some people
who offer negative
criticism
about strangers,
things aren't always what
they seem.
You do not know their
situation.
Try to understand
before you let your mind
jump to what may or may
not be.
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