Logey's 4 Yr Update and Momma's 31 updated

Bitty had a decent 4 year old check up.

The Doctor was thrilled with our

hopes and plans of

where he will be.

He was thrilled again with

all the help we supply to him.

He was even more thrilled

that we maintained it through all of

what is going on with me.

Bitty at 4 is

37.75 in tall (5%)

and

28.75 lbs (< 3 %)

He asked about his diet.

We explained how picky he is

and

how we work with it.

He was surprised and excited

and

said

we are giving him the best

well balance diet with

his picky self.

Yes.

Another area showing

Determination.

He was super happy.

He also remembered the other

Doctor talking about us

and

our situation.

I told him,

I am 31.

I won't die until 85-95 years old.

I am determined.

It will be done.

I know it is hard on everyone in our Family.

I know it is super incredible hard to even

try

and

wrap your mind around it,

accept it
or

really anything about it all.

It's not easy.

I just know I am stubborn.

I have for quite sometime wanted to be a Mother

I wanted only that.

OK, well, a wife too.

:)

But this is what I wanted

and

it is my job.

It will be done

and

continued to be done.

I won't lie.

Some days are not easy,

some are far from graceful.

Some days (more than others)

may be sending me to the

deep end

and

truly trying on every nerve

and

patience.

I am incredibly far from perfect

or

patient.

But I always try to go with my gut.

My Gut says, I will kick it.

I am determined

and

will do what we need to do for our Boys,

our Family.

God is giving us these challenges for a reason.

We get told we do well at things we do by a variety of people.

We don't see it that way,

we just see it as what we do

because we are supposed to

and

what we feel is best to do.

Perhaps we do, maybe that is part of why

we are challenged

because we will

perhaps get to something

super helpful for others out of it.

Knowledge, research, fund raising,

advocacy,

or

perhaps just simple enough

basic understanding

and

acceptance.

Who knows?!

I do truly feel we will slowly

be shown.

It will all be OK.

We will all find a way from it all.

When and how?!

Who knows,

I can only trust that He will

let us know at

the time we are needed.

It will all be OK.

I got my blood tests back today.

The NP says everything is normal!

It seems it's just the Keppra

and/or

stress

affecting how everything is going.

Today, after carpool for Logan and Aidan

I was able to walk our entire neighbor hood

with D, my Mom and our Babysitter.

I felt a little funny (kept it to myself)

but then felt a tad better.

I took a shower, fixed my hair,

ate some lunch,

took Logey in for his 4 year check up,

stopped by Target

and then headed home.

Finally at 5, my head pounded, felt swirly/dizzy/pressure/strange.

That is the longest it has taken to get to that point

AND
I did not nap.

I did take a few bouts of rest sitting today.

But HEY!!!

That is some progress!!

We'll see how tomorrow goes.

It will be just me and the Babysitter.

But we will see.

I had dinner and enjoyed it!

I drank some beer.

Yes...I did!

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!

I am here!

I will celebrate.

I may get a little slow sometimes,

my words may get a little mixed up

but

I AM HERE!!

I am now 31!

Ready to feel like I am finally

starting my 30's.

I will WIN!

My WONDEFUL Boot Camp people stopped by yesterday.

They brought me Gigi's Cupcakes and beer.

:)

They are AWESOME people.

Thanks for Everything Ladies!

Thanks for everything Everyone!

Thank you for kind thoughts and prayers,

for Food

or treats.

We appreciate it!

I am so HAPPY to have a glimpse of being

part of me again

and

hoping it continues

over the weeks.

No matter how it all goes.

I WILL STOMP IT!!

Uploading photos and videos from the real camera...

Hoping to post those in the next day or so.

Thanks Everyone!

A month to the date...

One month to the day from surgery.

Wow.

It's been a long month.

We have had a bunch of silly stuff happen.

For some reason God keeps

us challenged.

He is doing it for a reason

and

perhaps one day we will figure it out

or

maybe we will only get told a

smidgen of it.

To me that's OK.

It's OK because I don't want to be mad.

I don't want to waste my energy on that.

He has slowly shown us why we

are challenged on somethings.

I can only believe it

will slowly be revealed at appropriate times.

He is watching out for us.

It all will work out.

He will guide us

we don't need to understand

100%.

We just need to

have Faith

and

open ears and hearts

to bring in his guidance.

I woke yesterday morning

and

stood on the scale

I lost 10 pounds.

My clothes we just bought 3 weeks ago

are too big.

Most clothes after you wash them shrink a smidge

well, they did but they are now too big.

I got a call back from my Neurosurgeon's office.

It was one of the Nurses.

Dr. Grossi told her the night before

that he had been meaning to call me

but

his PA is out sick

and he was swamped

and said,

“Give her my cell and tell her to call me.”

Yeah..How AWESOME of a Doctor is that?

He did tell her that the neuropathology

was what he expected but

any questions I had to

call him.

I said it was OK.

I had talked to the people

at the Tumor Center.

They covered it for me.

I mentioned a few other questions

regarding my weight

and

some other issues that I am not willing

to share yet

but perhaps one day will.

I told her my gut was telling me to contact

my Primary Care Nurse Practitioner.

She said, “Yes, you should. Those are some strange things.”

Uh yeah...stick with your gut peeps!!

So yesterday I went and met with her.

I have for a while wanted to send her a Thank You note.
I haven't seen her since the day

she told me my MRI was not normal.

She's been kept up to date from my Neurosurgeon.

I got to Thank her in person.

I Thanked her for wanting to do an MRI.
I Thanked her for sending me to Dr. Grossi.

She said, “He's pretty awesome isn't he.”

I told her the name of my neuro-oncologist too.

I updated her on the Boys.

She also stopped and looked at Andrew

and

asked,

“How are YOU with everything??!”

She is wonderful.

She is concerned with my issues.

She is running a slew of tests

and

told us a few things she thinks it could be.

This is scaring Andrew a tad.

Since you know, she was spot on

about the brain tumor.

So we shall see.

In the meantime she said,

“Eat anything and everything you want.”

“Eat as much high caloric food as possible.”

I told her I am.

I said, “I have eaten tons of food

that I should at least be gaining some fat on

my a$$

but it's shrinking.

Yeah...peeps.

If I could take some peeps fat off of them

I would gladly do it

and

we all could be happy.

I walked Aidan into school the other day.

I am finally realizing a LOT of people there

know.

Especially people I have no clue who they are.

I got hugged by a random little Boy.

It is a lot to swallow.

I also know where Aidan is going to Kindergarten

next year.

Everyone will know.

(It's a close knit Catholic School at our Church.)

I could tell at Church on Sunday some

people knew.

It's hard.

For some reason I don't care

that I do this

but it means I don't necessarily

physically interact with people.

It's easier.

It's something that will

take time to process.

Maybe one day I will be better

but right now

everything

is a tremendous amount of

stuff for Andrew and I

to try and wrap our

minds around.

I don't know if we ever will.

But one day will be able to hopefully

handle it semi-gracefully.

Here are some photos.  

This is one week from today!  Join our team or if you can make a donation.  I am serious $5 would be AWESOME!!

Here we were getting close.  Not overwhelming. 

Our direction list with Andrew's phone assisting ...

Looking across the road at The Duke Cancer Center as we were heading into the parking deck.
There was a mass amount of adrenaline flooding my body from stress. 

We weren't celebrating.  We very rarely go out for meals,but wanted a drink
and a bit of time to process the appointment before we started talking to everyone.
You see how much is out of mine?!  Yeah...with all my body is doing and the meds...
I am a super cheap date...  Yeah...

As if things are crazy enough

I will write more of the details of the appointment one day.

In order for my brain to heal

I am to not talk, not exert myself

physically,

and

truly sleep as much as possible.

Otherwise it will take longer to heal.

My frustrations hit a high the night before.

I punched a stud in the wall.

That way I did not have to fix drywall.

Barely slept 4 hours

and

had adrenaline filling my body in

anticipation.

I will go more into the feelings sometime.

We spent 4 hours there

and

talked to 7 different professionals.

*1^st Nurse took vitals.

*2^nd Nurse took meds (only one) and basic history

8Met with Neuro-oncologist Physician Assistant.

Tooks a migraine, tumor history, story.

Job list

and

did an eval.

*Confirmed I have

memory and speech deficits

especially when tired.

*Also, said exercise is great and perhaps

I can do it sooner.

*Then tested my heel to toe walk

and I couldn't do it.

I began to get teary eyed.

*He showed no judgement re: punching a wall.

He was nice.

*He also mentioned how unpredictable astrocytomas are

and

that they have a very high chance of coming back.

They may come back soon or in 20 years.

Then met with my Neuro-oncologist.

She had us explain what we know about astrocytomas.

She did not want to repeat what we know.

She is super nice.

*Then she showed us my pre-op and post-op MRI.

*What we learned that we did not know before

my tumor had 5 tentacles.

:(

Andrew and I could see them without any help.

:(

They were in my short term memory area

and

optic nerve.

*She confirmed to give my eye some time to heal

since it still gets blurry and then twitches around my head.

*If still there in a few weeks I have to meet a neuro-opthamologist.

*Also talked about post op MRI, we got to see the hole in my brain

it will get a little smaller but will be there forever.

MY PLAN:

*In 6 weeks I have another MRI. For the next year I will have MRI's every 2 months.

She will look for the tentacles coming back

or new spots.

*If new spots then may need more surgery depending on where a new one is.

*If the tentacles start growing I will immediately go on chemo.

*It is called Temodar.

It will be a pill I take at home at night.

Shouldn't need any blood transfusions.

Should have little to no side effects.

Shouldn't look sick.

*IF we make it 12 months with nothing

then the next year I will get MRI's every 3 months.

Then we met a neuro-psychologist.

She wants to meet with me in a few weeks

(after more healing)

and

will do a 2-3 hr evaluation

to get a baseline

of where I am at.

*I will then meet with her weekly

to be taught how to

compensate.

*She confirmed that prior to

tumor removal I was having

short term memory issues.

*She also asked about marriage/family therapist.

We both said, 'YES!'

We will get a call soon.

This is a hard thing to wrap your head around

and

we both had talked about

needing/wanting to talk

to someone about

everything

the night before.

Between this and all the stuff

starting to pop up with issues with

Sweet Bitty.

We then talk to a research person

and

signed up to give my information

to their research to follow

how everything goes.

Knowledge is power.

If this may help it is worth it.

Then we met with a Clinical Social Worker.

She took more information

to give to the Therapist.

She also took the Kids information

to talk about the Child Specialist

to help them all out.

At home they are having some trouble

she confirmed we are on the right

path and doing well

but that they are happy to guide us

in our hard areas

and

meet the Kids too.

So yes.

The extra details and more story like will come soon.

More details regarding the next steps with Logan will come soon

and

D is still not well either

and

we have learned new stuff with him.

As the Ped said, “If I had a magic wand I would use it on you Guys. This is a lot

of crazy stuff.”

Yup. She also offered to scream for me too if it did not hurt my head.

We like this one Ped she is awesome.

Hopefully no more ER..

Here's hoping we are on the mend.

So far I am not sick.

Andrew is now terribly aching.

Aidan's backside is slowing down.

His hunger hasn't quite gotten back yet.

D has been gagging

but seems almost like he now has drainage.

??

His eczema is back in full force too.

Trying to figure that out.

He does OK then screams in pain.

He was screaming over an hour this afternoon.

He woke up and screamed.

He finally fell back to sleep on me

in the our bathroom.

He would gag

but not get sick. :(

Logan...

Oh Logan...

Yeah.

I couldn't get him to eat

and

barely drink.

Then he started throwing up again.

We gave him some Zofran

and

I called the Pediatrician since

I was supposed to touch base with them.

(they were closed anyway yesterday.)

I explained everything to the front desk

she said the Nurse would call back.

And here we go...

She called back a while later.

I explained it all again.

She remembered us...

Yes...remembers having to take him in 3 times since December.

She remembers him coming in after my first surgery

and

and before and after the second..

Yeah...

She also has a son with Asperberger's.

So she gets some of our difficulties.

So, I explained Thursday

and

how we tried to keep him home

and

then when we had no choice.

I recounted what

all I relayed to the Nurses, PA and the MD.

I mentioned the sugar issue at the ER

and

it again yesterday

when I had to force feed him

juice to bring it up

while he screamed

and

fought

and

then finally started to wake up.

I mentioned the metabolic issues the Geneticist wants

to look into

and

she feels there might be even more too that we will learn.

Yes...so the Nurse Stephanie

pulled the Doctor there

and

she is on call tomorrow too.

Then she called me back

because the sugar issue is very concerning.

SOOOOOOOO....

Yeah...

Again the mentioned any doubt we have bring him back to the ER

BUT

here's the catch...

The Dr. said we may want to take him to

Duke Children's

instead of Wake Med

because I HAVE to call the

Geneticist

first thing Monday to

let her know about the sugar issue.

Here I figured we would mention it at the next appointment.

I bet we'll be heading there sooner now...just a hunch.

We had to spend all afternoon forcing him

to drink juice or full strength gatorade.

Yes..because he can't do food dye

so we can't do electrolyte

solutions

and

they won't want him to have anything watered down.

They want to keep his sugar up

since he still isn't eating.

His lips were getting dry

but

he was still

have wet enough diapers.

So yes, we had to force the drink

via syringe because he wouldn't

take it.

They said if he started to be hard to wake up

take him back right away

and again

reiterated

we may want to choose Duke

since all of his Genetics

information would be

available for him.

They said if something just feels wrong to us

we need to bring him in too

especially since

he can't tell us how he feels

or

if the Zofran did not stop the vomit.

Thankfully it stopped.

For now.

We are hoping he finally hits the mend.

He always gets hit so much worse than everyone else.

This we know

and

always mention again

because it goes

with the possible metabolic issues

and

possibly others issues.

Yup.

So... there we are.

My Mom came and helped today.

I have a ton of adrenaline flying through me.

I did a lot I wasn't supposed to do

but

Poor Andrew was totally out of commission.

The Kids needed stuff

and

we got to the point

Mom was cleaning up Logan's puke

and

catching it

while I was cleaning puke

and

stains from the carpets,

cleaning puke off

the toys.

I would check on Andrew

and

continually keep everything

washing

and

constantly

putting bleach all over the bathrooms.

It has to stop soon.

PLEASE DEAR LORD!!

Then I think perhaps the Lord is just challenging us to make

sure we keep the mindset we need with all of this.

The Determination

and

Will Power.

A reason why I am pushing myself through everything

I did crash hard

but

after a nap

I was able to push the adrenaline again.

I am spraying

50% bleach on as much as I can.

All bathrooms,

emptying trash,

moving laundry

keep clean sheets,

scrubbing toys,

keeping sanitized dishes

etc.

Anything I can think of.

Perhaps that is what it is.

I told Andrew once everyone recovers

I probably will hit my low

but

will do my best to maintain until everyone gets better.

I expressed again

I want to go to Boot Camp,

I want to go run,

I want to hit something

Heck, if we had a sledge hammer

I may just find a wall to tear down in the house.

I am determined, we will recover

and

I will continue to kick

any more astrycytoma's backsides as needed.

I only can think we are just being challenged to keep that mind frame.

There is so much I want to say but over time I will probably touch all bases.

I don't want to leave a giant novel for everyone.

**There is a new tab on our page that will link to our Team

for The Duke Brain Tumor Center

fund raising and 5K.

Perhaps I will recover and get to run it. :)

Right?!

Determination

So it's 1am.

Yup.

I began a nice migraine today.

All the nice flashy vision.

Then the terrible nausea

and

pain.

I finally fell asleep for

about 4 hours.

Now..here I am.

My Poor Husband is sick a dog.

It started after dinner.

There is nothing I can do for him.

The floors need vacuumed

downstairs.

I am not supposed to

do it for a while

but

I did it anyways.

Yup.

I made some strong bleach water

and

sprayed down the floors.

Poor Aidan's bowels are still mad.

His bottom is so sore.

Daniel seems OK enough so far.

A little issues but not as bad as Aidan.

Logan seemed to have some sugar issues again.

I forced him to drink some juice

and

he finally perked up.

I have to call the Ped in the morning.

We were supposed to today

but I obviously

lost time with my migraine.

We took a walk around the neighborhood

tonight.

It was hard.

I pushed the stroller some

but had to stop

by the end I was leaning to my right.

I have some balance issues still.

I had to slow down a lot.

I pushed it through.

I am determined.

I sure hope I don't get sick

but

I don't know.

There is a pretty good chance.

We are going to celebrate Easter

sometime mid week.

That way the Kids can be better.

I sure hope so.

I REALLY don't want anyone to get anymore

reinfected.

Nasty nasty illnesses.

I am kind of wired right now.

I had to help Aidan

he got up a few

minutes ago.

He had his explosive issues.

I got him back to bed.

I keep checking on all of the Boys (Andrew too)

I sure hope they all sleep.

I won't really relax

and

will be on edge all night.

On April 20^th there is a 5 K for

Angels Among Us

All of the proceeds go to

The Brain Tumor Center.

My Doc says I can't run it yet.

BUT

I need to pick a good name for the team

and

get it set up.

Any one want to input any ideas would be great.

I REALLY wish I could run.

Who knows maybe I can wing it. :)

Right?!

Determination.

I will keep it.

I keep getting tried with

all the Boys sicknesses.

I will WIN.

I promise.

GO AWAY ILLNESS.

I have some nasty ideas for Arnie..

at least twice a day

I tend to pop out an

nasty name to fuss at him.

I know he is gone but I am

not happy he was there

I know he probably will come back

but I will kick him to the curb every time!

Cruel

Just a quick note regarding the sometimes seemingly cruel cruel world we live in. 

7 days prior to surgery a list of pain relievers are on the "no-no" list and even for a few days post surgery. 

Well, my dear friend Advil is on that list. 

I came downstairs after we put the Boys to bed last night. 

It was coming all day. 

The beautiful cloudless sunshine day. 

The bright sun shine was killing my eyes.

Yes, since January 2012 my already sensitive eyes now fall victim to photophobia.

This is typically a migraine trigger. 

I came downstairs  last night and then comes the flashing in my eyes.

The aura that I get prior to a migraine. 

I panicked knowing there is no medicine I can take..that I know of. 

I ran around turning off most of our lights. 

I hid in the dark. 

The aura left but there was pain and the increased sensation of smell that comes with a migraine. 

So far, no nausea or severe pain, but the nagging worse than "normal" headache, the smells and the lights are still in force today. 

I guess I'll take it...

We just got home from the Doctors for the Boys.
D has a cold but since his Brother's were dancing down a sketchy path we decided to lump him into the visit.

Aidan has had a cough and cold since Mid February.  It gets better for a day or two, but then comes right back.
He is run down and tired.
The two nights ago I noticed some discharge from his eyes, just a little.

Logan has been on and off fever and runny nose since he went to Duke the last Friday in February.
Yesterday, afternoon I looked at him and his eyes were goopy, tons of discolored discharge and blood shot.

This morning Aidan and Logan were even yuckier.

Aidan has his first ever sinus infection and pink eye.
Logan has lots of cloudy build up in one ear, a sinus infection and pink eye.

They said if D's eyes get goopy just to give them a ring and they will call in a script for him.

Oh yes and I noticed a lump the other week in Logan's diaper area.
In the inguinal crease.  You know right where Boys (most commonly) get hernias.
Don't worry it's just a swollen lymph node probably due to the bug he has had for most of this year.
That on top of no padding to hide it.

Oh yes, and don't worry, it's all really nothing big just seems sometimes like someone is every so often poking you with a stick just to see if you notice.

And on Friday I noticed water marks in our living room coming from the Boys bathroom upstairs.
Yup...they're light, but those issues are now hopefully under control so we should be able to when we have time prime the marks so they are no longer apparent on our ceiling unless we did not fix the real problem...
Hope not!

Let the chaos continue....

Bring it Baby!

Our "plan" or so we thought..

11 days..

Oh My.

I guess the reason I want to post about all that is going on right now is
well, to keep people informed
and
 a lot of information can be lost in translation.

Another reason I feel guilty for

is

selfishness.

I want to know that there are as many people out there

praying for us

or

thinking good thoughts for us.

The only way to get that is to let people know what is going on.

We live in a day where people are very private and don't want to “air their dirty laundry.”

My feelings are, let people know.

It shouldn't hurt you to let people know you are human.

It seems a lot of people want to give off a “perfect” life image.

No one has it “perfect.”

Whatever that means.

It's kind of like what is the definition of “normal?”

My normal is different from your normal.

My perfect is different from your perfect.

It's all about perspective.

We need challenges to grow

and

different people need different challenges.

We are all individuals.

Some people may seem to have it “worse.”

All I know is I have a great family, friends, a home, clean water, a warm bed...

I hope you get the drift.

Do I want granite counter tops?

Do I want a bigger yard?

Yes.

I would love to have plates for every season.

Is it practical?

No.

But, one day we may get those things if we so desire.

Will they change my life?

No.

OK..well maybe a bigger yard when you have 3 teenage boys.

I am grateful for all I have.

I am thankful for our “plan.”

This plan is not the “plan” I had for us.

There have been some bumps but it is way way better than “my plan.”

In my plan, we would have moved to another house by now.

I would be thinking of getting pregnant with our third child.

Our children would be 3 years apart. They were all typically developing.

I would have a super clean house on a tight cleaning/organizing schedule.

The list goes on...

What did we get?

The market crashes and moving won't happen for a while.

We have had neighbors move, die, get divorced, foreclosed on...

All in 7.5 years of living here.

I had our first child quickly and to “plan.”

Then when he was 8.5 months old I found out I was pregnant again.

I fell to the ground and cried.

I got back up and insisted that evening we would have a do over.

So we did.

We celebrated.

We sold a car that we had a lot of equity in.

Bought a cheap affordable car with cash.

We saved the money of the small car payment to help prepare for two babies 17 months apart.

Then all of a sudden our baby was not OK.

I was on bed rest and my Parents were out of town (they were to watch Aidan when I had Logan.)

I flipped out again.

I sat in the Doctor's office and bawled hysterically for a while.

Then I pulled myself together and listened to our new plan.

We then hit the perinatologist a few days later.

They sent me straight to the hospital to be induced.

My babies were 16 months apart.

They prepared us for a low 5 pound baby (Aidan was 8 lbs.)

He may not be able to breath on his own,

he may not be able to feed well,

he will have to pass extra tests before he goes home

because

he was deemed a preemie by my due date and his size.

Our Little Bitty was born 5 lb 3 oz, he came home at 4lb 12oz.

He did everything he “wasn't” supposed to do.

He was awesome.

He was a tad fussy at times.

I remember one day out of frustration saying,

“I did not do this to you on purpose.”

I was so overwhelmed.

Fast forward 11 months and I had told Andrew a few times let me know when you are ready for a third.

And he said, “Let's go!”

Lo and behold baby #3 came 9 months later.

My second OB appointment came and

we reviewed my blood work

and

found out this time I had “anti-c”.

An antibody in my blood that if the baby had a subtype of c my body would attack him and hurt him terribly.

They told us worst case scenario was “fetal hydrops.”

I still don't know if I have googled it yet.

They warned us not too.

Bottom line,

if my anti-c levels began to raise to a certain point my body would attack him

and

he would be born severely anemic or need an inutero blood transfusion.

In a way like people who are RH negative

but

I did not have an option of a magic injection to trick my body.

Monthly blood draws were needed.

Thankfully, it never became a concern.

After an eventful birth.

Our sweet 7 lb baby projectile vomited and screamed over 12 hours a day.

There was no help from our pediatrician until he finally witnessed the arc of his vomit.

We were sent over to a radiology place with a concern of pyloric stenosis.

Our baby may need surgery ASAP.

He was fine.

We changed his formula to soy.

*To all BF advocates, he was the same on breast milk.*

I thought I made sour milk and with no help from the pediatrician I gave up.

He also started being treated for reflux.

The following week he developed a cough.

Again, no help from the pediatrician's office.

I knew something was wrong.

Especially when I realized he wasn't waking to eat.

The next day he was diagnosed with RSV.

A few months of him still vomiting we met with an allergist.

We learned he has sensitivities to dairy and soy.

At 1 year old we learned these still to be true and now included nuts of all kinds.

By Logan's 2^nd birthday I knew something was not going as planned again.

AGAIN,

we faced no support from the pediatrician.

As told ,a month later I called back to get the referral for speech therapy that I was promised.

Within a month he was evaluated by an Occupational Therapist.

By August he had a diagnosis of Autism from the CDSA.

October he received a diagnosis from an MD.

December it was confirmed again when he was deemed eligible for services through the TEACCH program at UNC.

The list goes on...

From all of this I have learned.

If we did not have Logan. Our world would not be complete.

We would not have the understanding of Autism that we do now.

It was something we did not understand and our “opinions” tended to stand with all the naysayers regarding Autism.

We now see that was pure ignorance.

If Daniel hadn't screamed for 12 + hours a day then Logan's fits would have seemed even more terrible.

Luckily, Logan only tantrumed 4-6 hours a day due to his frustrations.

He has given us even more ways to see how the world works.
He has given us so much more understanding.

If I had not gotten pregnant with him..

well, we wouldn't have him,

our plan wouldn't have changed,

and here we would be wanting a third child.

It would not be the most opportune time to attempt to conceive.

My pregnancy with Daniel and our time wondering what we needed to do for Logan,

taught us patience and understanding.

It taught us to keep our Faith and Hope during times of great unknown.

All in all it prepared us for today,

Where we are.

We now know,

where we are today is only going to

better prepare us for tomorrow and the rest of our lives.

We are by no means perfect and daily see our lack of Grace.

But what we have is perfect for us

and

we are so grateful for all we are given.