Screaming like fools

2 weeks from today is my craniotomy and resection.

Whoa.

I am having a lump kind of day.

The Boys have had a nasty cough and noses for a bit now.

Bitty and D have had some rough nights sleep. Luckily they take turns.

Andrew and I are also weening down our dependency on caffeine too.

We are down to a small cup of coffee in the morning and today we mixed our fresh ground beans with some ground decaf.

I think that is helping me be a little sluggish.

Why do this, you may ask?

Well, just because.

Andrew said he found himself drinking a cup in the afternoon or a soft drink and he really wanted to stop that.

My reason.

After my biopsy, I had a hell of a headache after.

On top of the headache from, well..your brain swelling and them drilling in your head.

I also had a caffeine headache.

At this point I can only imagine what that will feel like after a craniotomy.

So what can I do to help?

Eliminate the caffeine part.

SO...

I was sorting out all of the bills from December and January today.

The bills regarding my MRI's and Biopsy.

Just to make sure insurance claims matched with what we are billed.

You know what's nice?

After you meet your deductible, you pay coinsurance.

Well, there is also a maximum of coinsurance.

Yup.

You know what's nice about that?

When both things are met

And mine are.

Ha!

Yesterday, Andrew and I had our 8^th Wedding Anniversary.

I never would have guessed what has happened these last 8 years.

They've been pretty fantastic.

Definitely a roller coaster.

So we continue to ride with our arms in the air, screaming like fools!

Bitty

Bitty Boo is making strides.

He is working on 4 years old.

I can't believe it.

The other week we had his IEP meeting.

(Individualized Education Plan)

Pretty much it is a list of goals for him to have set at school.

Well, Bitty has done so well he is outgrowing his classroom.

His is in a very restrictive classroom (super structured) with all children on the Autism Spectrum.

Next school year he will move to the “Mixed Needs” class or also known as a “Developmentally Delayed” class.

THIS IS HUGE!!

AWESOME!!

He still has plenty to work on and the change will more than likely not be a smooth one BUT everyone always need to be constantly challenged.

How else do we grow?

Developmentally Bitty is still a 2 year old with some perks.

He is amazing with numbers and letters.

His words are getting better and actually have a chance of being pertinent to the situation.

He has learned how to point very well now and does it to show us something he sees or tell off one of his Brothers'.

He also is now showing us toys too!

It may not sound big to some but if you ever met Logan or saw where he was you would understand.

These are little things that people take for granted when their child does them in a timely fashion.

1. Logan and I a few days before Christmas at my Parent's house.
2. Logan sporting his Santa hat at my Parent's house.
3. "Mario" with a psi at Aidan's Birthday
4. Playing with Angry Birds K'nex on Aidan's Birthday
5. Logan after Aidan's Christmas Chapel
6. NC Snow Day
7. King Pig and Mustache Pig photo op
8. Logan's attempt to spell " Baby Neptune" from memory, he forgot the second "e" so I gave it to him and he put it in there
9. How the spelling started. I look at him on the kitchen floor and found he spelled "Baby"
10. In action of how Logan uses his stackings
11. Andrew and Logan posing with Puppy wearing Angry Bird Eyebrows
12.  Logan playing with Grandma at Meme and Papa's with his Angry Birds game he got for Christmas
13. Bitter's in his Christmas Tie Shirt
14.  He joined us near the end of making Christmas Cookies :)
15. Playing at Aunt Melanie's
16.  Posing for a picture in the last couple of weeks.
17.  His replica of "Crack in the Track"
"Thomas was stuck at that crack in the track.  Percy was stuck there at Thomas' back.  Gordon was stuck behind Thomas and Percy.  James with two freight cars was in quite the hurry."
18.  Mario again.

This Kid amazes us every day too!
We are so blessed.

Baby D Turns 2 (just over 2 months ago)

Sweet Daniel turned 2 in December. 

He began talking a little more right before. 

A lot like Aidan did and now his words are blossoming.  

Phenomenal. Then again Little Man actively participates in Logan's In Home Speech Sessions. 

More for our money?!  OK, well, not really but he REALLY wants to be included. 

He will tell you when he wants a drink, wants to eat or doesn't want to do or wants to do. 

Tantrums are coming now, just really in the last month or two. 

Whooo Boy are they U-G-L-Y!!

Unluckily, for him we got used to him screaming 12+ hours a day for the first few weeks of his life and then that transferred to Logan's quirks becoming more evident and his tantrums lasting 4-6 hours. 

So Little Man, a 10-20 minute tantrum is nothing. 

No Mommy won't open the gold fish or cookies before we buy them. 

We have had some doozies.  

I have had strangers help open doors for me while I wrangle him and his shoes and socks (classic tantrum move: begin to disrobe while hysterical), Aidan and Logan and make way to our van. 

In all of the two year old-ness he is the first of our Boys to have a form of coping mechanism. 

Which is a nice surprise!

 He loves numbers and letters like his Big Bro's.  

The Pediatrician was surprised at his 2 yr check up that he would say, "That's a number 5, a number 2.  That's a G, That's a R."

Everyday he says something new.  

We again did not take any photos on the poor Kid's Birthday. 

Andrew's Dad did take a video of us singing, "Happy Birthday!"

He was ABSOLUTELY adorable.  

Yes, I am biased but it was wonderful.

He sat there watching the candle, looking at everyone, then he had his "AHA Moment" when he realized it was ALL for him his little hands went over his head and then rested on top of his noggin with a bashful smile. 

It melted Andrew and me. 

Here's the video.  You see the tail end of his moment right after the camera pans around the room. 

If it wasn't for Mr. R we would have NO recording of any of the Kid's birthdays. 

**And for our tradition Logan finishes the song with screaming.** 

Here is the Little Man at my Mom and Dad's the day after his Birthday.

Little Man was:

Height:35.5 in (80%)

Weight: 29.6 lbs (65%)

at his check up. 

Smaller than Aidan at 2 and almost as Big as Logan now. 

:) 

We really get good use out of our clothes. 

Little D loves trains but especially cars or anything that crashes.  

He likes to snuggle first thing in the morning.

He now says, "Momma hold you." when he wants me to pick him up. 

He's a big  Momma's Boy like his Brothers. 

All 3 will insist on Momma at bedtime most nights.  

Daniel adds just that extra bit of wonderful chaos to help complete our Home. 

It is a very loud house most days and he for sure helps. 

He can destroy the bookshelf in a matter of seconds. 

He also loves books if you didn't guess. 

 I can't believe our Chubbly Bubbly has turned two. 

The change from age 2 to 3 is huge and we are excited to watch him grow and a little sad as our Baby is growing up. 

Aidan's 5th Birthday (Late update from November)

At the end of November our Sweet Biggun' turned 5!

Thanks to Andrew's Dad we have photos of the Big Day.  

Our Buddy is an entire handful.  

That is a lot.  Where did 5 years go?

I took some sentimental videos on the my phone the night before his birthday. 

I posted them on Facebook when I took them. 

I really need them on our computer so I can keep them always. 

I don't ever want to forget. 

And a collage of the photos from the party that Grandpop took.

Aidan amazes us on  a daily basis as well as drive us up the wall.
He is FULL of energy, always on the go always talking non-stop.  He is constantly asking questions or telling you every single detail of every single thing he sees.  He still constantly makes music.  He is always clapping out a beat, making guitar or other instrument noises, all while mumbling words to the song on his mind.  He started this before he was 2.  It's still going strong and on a day when you are stressed his music helps scramble your thoughts.
Here is a calm version...

He taught himself how to read a few months ago.  He can pick up a new book, read it out loud to you and then asks 8000 questions about the story line.
He taught himself to write when he was 3 and his writing is getting much better.
It's crazy!
Here is his Valentine he made Andrew and I at school.

He still loves video games or any kind of electronics.  Mario Kart for sure and then truly loves all the learning games.  He has found a new interest in board games.  He loves to play and is always asking to play more.
He is really enjoys Legos.  Luckily, Andrew's Boss gave us his Boy's old Legos.  We don't have to buy any.  There are tons!
He loves sports too.  Our Big Man really loves almost everything.
He is excited for Kindergarten even though he doesn't quite know what that means other than a new school.
We are hoping to find out where he will be going to school soon.
We have done a lot of research hoping to find where we think he will fit best and then hope and pray he gets a spot.
We don't know how he got so big so quick.  We are excited to watch our Buddy grow but also won't mind if time wants to slow it down a little for us.
He had a great birthday and we can't believe he is now 3 months into his 5th year!
Wow!

We Love You Aidan!

The Ramblings of a Loony Toon

I will hopefully be posting “fun” (in my opinion) stuff from the Boys.

We finally got more space on the computer.

We knew we needed more computer space and we thought about buying a new hard drive.

Then the light bulb clicked. Why do that when you have two towers not being used with hard drives in them?

You know sometimes the obvious solution is the hardest to see.

Once Andrew was ready to get the needed cables to put them in, he opened up our tower we are using.

BEHOLD! Another hard drive..the fuzzy memory of that slowly came back to us.

You know it's not like there are other things that we've been thinking/worrying about.

One new cable purchase and now POOF there is a entire drive we can dedicate to the 8 gabillion photos we take.

Yes, 8 gabillion. It's a real number. Trust me...

In the world of Carrie Crazy..it MOST definitely is a number.

SO, How are things going?!

Well, they're going.

Time moves on even if we feel we are standing still.

Kids need fed, clothed, watered and their normal routine.

The internal battle of forcing yourself to keep on trucking when you brain and body feel like they are trying to shut down on you.

I really think for some days it happens to everyone.

They are just days like that.

I pretty often get asked, “How ARE YOU?”

Well, I am here.

I don't have a choice, it's the only option.

I am here. Some days (more often lately) I am forcing myself to try to do what I need to do.

It will get better. I KNOW it will, I may have to WILL it to happen and trust me I am strong willed.

Or really stubborn..strong willed sounds better.

We have an IEP meeting for Logan.

We have Kindergarten registration for Aidan.

I have meticulously researched schools for Kindergarten.

I have researched a new preschool for Logan to coordinate with where he currently is.

Then of course we want to start Daniel in preschool too.

Logan's long awaited appointment with a Duke Geneticist is coming up on Friday.

The end of last week I started having a hard time.

That is how it was with the biopsy.

Setting a date gets me in a funk.

The kind of funk where it's hard to wake up in the morning, my body hurts when I know there is no reason for it, my chest burns with fire, my thought process is even more scrambled than normal.

It will pass.

The same thing happened after the date of the biopsy was scheduled. (Case in point..repeat much?)

I then found my equilibrium and went into crazy woman cleaning, organizing, list making mode.

That and went to my Boot Camp class as much as possible and put the anxiety and frustration into class.

You know when it hurts to exercise and you want to give up I think about all that is bugging me

and

I don't know.

I guess visualize it and push all that tension, worry, anxiety into the exercises.

If I am running and it hurts, think about the crap and run faster.

In a way maybe visual running away from it all or really through it all.

I can run faster.

I can run harder.

The same goes with the weighted exercises.

But even more so, with all the tumor business it's not only about me.

It's about Andrew

and

the Boys.

If I fall apart they don't do so well.

They need me and I need them.

I worry about Andrew.

It's not easy being him.

He wants to help but has his work too.

He needs breaks too.

He needs a place to put his worry.

He needs time for himself.

He is a phenomenal man.

He is everything to me.

He is how I make it through bad days.

He comes to the rescue as much as he can.

He will make dinner, clean dishes, pick up toys and the list goes on.

He will watch me melt down and give me my space.

He will hold me when I need held.

He is my world and so much more.

You know we met when we were 15.

We had a lot of mutual friends.

He dated a lot of my friends.

We did not start dating until we were 19.

He was always there though throughout those years.

Even when we were just friends he was always on my mind.

Funny how things turn out.

We have so many people offer us so much help through all of this. We are incredibly grateful for all the nice gestures. We are definitely overwhelmed beyond belief. We will gladly accept help, sometimes we may have to be told, “I am doing this and that is that.” We are OK with that. We just have a hard time asking or thinking of particular needs/wants.

We know we are not alone and the upcoming weeks will be stressful and slow yet quick.

I still don't believe it all but then some days I do.

We do know we are very lucky and in all of this there is so much good.

SO SO much good. There really is.

Enough of this long drama-esque novel.

Happy Sweet photos and/or videos of the Boys will come.

Of course lots of silliness too.  

What's in a name?

I got a phone call from Duke this afternoon.

It was Dr. Grossi.

We named the tumor.  We shall call it "Arnie the Astrocytoma"

--Andrew

OK..so it looks like after the resection is done I will need more scans. 

At that point Dr. Grossi and The "Friedmans" from The Tumor Center will collaborate again to see what the next step will be. 

It may be a "wait and watch" approach

or 

they may decide to do chemo. 

It all just depends on how the surgery goes and how my post-op scans look. 

Another phone call later

and

the resection is set for March 13. 

I have to have another Brain Lab Series the week before and go in for pre-testing too. 

The brain lab series is set for the 4th and I am waiting to hear about the pre-testing. 

We are also setting up our questions for Dr. Grossi. 

As for Andrew's interjection earlier in the post, an old co-worker of mine had a brain tumor 7 years ago.  Her advice was to name the Tumor to keep things light hearted. 

Her Tumor's name was Timmy.  

:) Sorry,  I want to make this more interesting however, Daniel is boycotting  nap this week and it turned 

U-G-L-Y tonight. 

I am spent. 

"Arnold was wrong..It IS a TUMOR!"

**The post title is quoting what Andrew told me the other night. **

So, Monday passed no call.

Tuesday came and went, no call.

Yup..that is how things seem to go some days.

It turns out my original post op appointment was never canceled after I went in last week. I called this morning to cancel it. I also thought I would ask if they had any insight on working with The Tumor Center. The woman I spoke with recommended who to call (at the Tumor Center) to ask and make sure I was still in the loop for my phone call.

Soo..I picked up Aidan and Logan from school and got the “Littles” down for nap.

I called The Tumor Center and left a message.

Aidan was writing out his Valentine's and my Cousin called.

I said, “Hey!” and then Duke was beeping in.

So I pretty much hung up on her.

It was Dr. Friedman!

He's a pretty cut and dry kind of guy.

The phone call was something like this:

Me: Hello

Dr. F: This is Dr. Friedman.

Me: This is Carrie.

Dr. F: I looked at your scans and labs. You need surgery. This thing needs to come out. I emailed Dr. Grossi that. Dr. Grossi is fully capable, more than capable to take this thing out. If he wasn't I would let you know. After surgery you will need another scan and then we'll see you over here.

I will send him another email. If you have any issues you let me know, here is my pager number.....

And I babbled for about 30 seconds and that was it.

Uh yeah...an intense 2 or 3 minutes...

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand then,

I called Dr. Grossi's office and my antsy pantsy self babbled her into confusion.

She put me on hold and got Dr. Grossi's PA, Ann near by. I apologized for my worse than normal babbling rant and did a little better.

It seems as if these two wonderful Ladies are going to hunt him down to see what's next.

So I am now awaiting the phone call with, “What's next.”

What I THINK is next is the “follow up” Dr. Grossi wanted us to have after meeting Dr. F.

Part of my ramblings (to Dr. G's office staff) were if I could have my appointment for the 19^th back.

Again, I THINK what is left is for Dr. Grossi to walk us through the procedure, risks and expectations. After that we can schedule.

Andrew and I are both ready. Just go ahead and do it. On the 20^th it will be a year since we first sat down with Dr. Grossi. That is 365 days to mull over what may or may not be and what we would do given either case.

We just want to get it over with.

I am going to feel like holy hell for at least a month, may as well get a head start on that. That means the sooner I can be feeling better and dealing with what else will come.

I want a big fat cupcake...

Of course I am not going to ramble on about cupcakes. 

I really want one though...

I heard my phone chime when I pulled out of the carpool lane. It was an email from The Preston Robert Tisch Brain Tumor Center at Duke. 

That is a mouthful and so I call it "The Duke Brain Tumor Center."

The email was lengthy with lots of forms attached and the wording of things can move fast IF I do my part first. 

I got right to work.  Who wouldn't?!

I had a question and called.  They called back within 10 minutes. 

The woman I spoke with also said that I could very well expect a call from Dr. Friedman tonight. 

Whaattt?!!  Dr. Friedman?!!

I feel like I am waiting for a phone call from The President himself!!

So who knows...

Here is another clip of the email:
"...an appointment is scheduled, it will be a 2-day visit.  In addition to your time with the neuro-oncologist, your visit will include time with other members of our team, including a fellow, a nurse practitioner or physician assistant, a social worker, a child life specialist if appropriate, a nurse clinician for teaching and education, and other professionals that may be able to assist you and your family.  We work as a team – you and your family are at the center of our team."

Just a TAD overwhelming.  We are SO lucky we have access to people like this nearby.

I am staying busy throughout all of this.  I have project lists galore, laundry to clean, rooms to deep clean...Kids to play with...and really wish I was back in fantastic running shape because all the nervous energy could help me run a marathon in record time!

I got great News from Logan's Teacher today and that deserves it's own post though.  

It will come soon. :)

I can be gooey sentimental and day dreamer like...

For example:

This morning getting in the car to go drop Logan and Aidan off at their schools. 

I start the van and start strapping the Boys in. 

The radio is playing

Rodney Atkins

Immediately following was the song Andrew and I danced to on our Wedding Day. 

End of the month will be 8 years.  :)  

What a crazy 8 Years. 

Yesterday

YESTERDAY, while I was running errands Duke called. 

 Yes, on a Saturday!!

They told Andrew that first thing tomorrow, Dr. Allan Friedman will review my path labs and scans. They will call Monday afternoon or Tuesday to set up my appointment.

Soo...my Neurosurgeon is one of the best in the area. He is “young” and Dr. A. Friedman is his mentor. Thanks to my Mom's Bosses (they are Doctor's) they have checked into my Neurosurgeon. They said his credentials are fantastic and found that out (mentor thing...). They said his medical schooling is phenomenal.

Dr. Allan Friedman is an AMAZING Neurosurgeon. Look up his name. You will see...

Just for comfort for me I looked up the Top Neurosurgeon's in the US.

US News Health

There are 624 neurosurgeon's on this list.

Dr. Friedman has a star next to his name. That means he is in the top 1%.

Yes, so my Neurosurgeon is awesome and a protege of one of the top 1% in the Nation.

He (Dr.Grossi) is respected enough that one of the top 1% is willing review MY tumor.

It kind of makes me feel the same I did when I watched George W. Bush speak at ECU.

Star struck..amazed...kind of a cloud nine feeling...just this time wrapped in a nice blanket of fear too.

This entire situation is now at 358 days in the making.

It is scary, overwhelming, anxiety filled,denial.....and add about 1 billion other feelings in there. (But still very hopeful throughout it all.)

I am not sure if there are really a billion feelings but it sure feels like it!

Some moments it doesn't feel real and others it sure does. Here and there for a few minutes I almost forget about it.

I am going to share what Andrew said after he took that phone call:

“Shit just got real.”

I keep visiting the Duke Tumor Center's web site and try to imagine myself walking up to it the day of my appointment.

I have told Andrew that there will probably be a stain or puddle on the ground following me as we walk in there.  

An answer

So here goes...

My post-op appointment was originally scheduled for February 19^th. After the biopsy my neurosurgeon told everyone they would call when the results came in. He mentioned it could take up to two weeks.

At the time of my stitch removal (9 days) they had no information.

The days became agony.

By Monday I figured they HAD to call. My impatience got the best of me. I decided I wouldn't call and ask if they had them I would ask a different question to lead into that.

I called the surgical nurse and left a message with the gist of 7-14 calendar or business days?

So I spent the day taking moments to stare at the phone, yell at the Boys and try to will it to ring and when it did not say “Duke” on part of the caller ID I was not happy.

I was constantly forwarding the house calls to my cell while I was out and when I get home cancel it. Tuesday is appointment day for the Bitty and I waited and followed the same routine.

I was in our driveway getting the Boys out of the van after picking Aidan up from carpool when my cell rang...

Before when I have called and it took that long for the call back it was my neurosurgeon with news that we could hold off on the biopsy.

My heart stopped and adrenaline filled me.

Who is on the phone..the nurse or the doctor.

I had a dream a nurse called me with an answer. Is my dream true?

Well, it was the Nurse.

The conversation went:

Nurse: Dr. Grossi wants to see you this week to review your path labs.

Me: OK.

Nurse: I see your post-op is on the 19^th. You don't want to wait that long. Do you?

Me: No.

Nurse: Well, we can roll your post-op into an appointment this week too.

Me: OK

Nurse: How about first thing Thursday?

Me: OK

Nurse: I can do 8:15a. Is that too early?

Me: We'll make it work.

A few more non specific details and we hung up.

I dialed Andrew. He couldn't get to his phone. (I had talked to him maybe 5 minutes before)

I tried to text him to pick up but I could barely type.

I sent him a bunch of letters with possibly a few words in there too.

So I called him right back again.

He picked up.

I told him.

My mind goes a thousand miles an hours most days. It definitely sped up even more.

My thoughts:

He wants to see us in person.

They had to find something out.

What are they going to say?

Aidan has school. What are we going to do?

It must be bad.

He is going to refer me to someone else isn't he.

And the wonders went on..

I figured he would have called or had a nurse call to say they were not conclusive.

Right?!

Maybe I am wrong?!

I also felt a sense of relief of no longer having my heart stop when the phone rang.

I had a countdown to hopefully an “answer.”

I figured sleep would be hard to come by.

The 3 or so nights before the biopsy were pretty sleepless after I would have a 4 or so hour stretch. Usually up by 2-3am.

I woke Thursday at 3am.

I would sleep in maybe 15 minute increments and stare at the clock.

Toss and turn,

take a drink of water

and every so often feel like a Sumo Wrestler was sitting on top of my chest..

maybe an elephant...

or a house ...

My alarm was set for 5:15a. I got up before it and hopped in the shower.

I got myself ready.

Andrew got a shower.

The Boys woke up early.

We were in the van by 7:30.

Time was slow and fast.

Has everyone read this entire novel??

OK will shorten it up. 

  ( I tried..it didn't work..)

We waited for 30 or more minutes and heard him in the room next door.

The PA came in. She said he would be with us in a few. He got “accosted” at the hospital that morning. She checked out the biopsy site and asked how I was doing.

Then she said..

“He wanted me to tell you that it is what he thought it was.”

Me: I know.

PA: Does that make sense to you?

Me: Yes.

PA: OK.

I made a few random comments like I do when stressed.

She left and then within 5 minutes we heard him finish up with his other patient.

The door opened.

He is really great and we record our visits with him so we can process it all at a later time too.

After reviewing our over 25 minute clip I have heard things I missed on Thursday.

So....

pins and needles yet?!

Or have you scrolled down to the bottom and say screw all this rambling?

Dr. Grossi told us from the get go he believed it to be a low grade glioma.

The issue is, what kind of glioma?

I have a Grade 2 (low grade) well-differentiated astrocytoma.

Astrocytoma's are a type of glioma.

A grade 2 is very slow growing. (GOOD!!)

We already know from the last almost year of observing that it is growing at a slow rate.

It is not malignant. (GOOD!!)

We knew that already too.

Astrocytoma's grow “tentacles” that creep into small crevices of the brain. (YUCK!)

Right now mine doesn't show any tentacles on the MRI. (GOOD!!)

A grade 2 can change at any time to a higher grade. (YUCK!)

Grade 3 and 4 astrocytoma's are very quick growing and aggressive. (SUPER YUCK!)

If growing will only metastasize to other parts of my brain not my body.

Recurrences are possible and usually come back more aggressive than the first time. (BLEH.)

Temporal lobe is the best place to have them. (GOOD!)

The Dominant side temporal lobe is not the best. (BAD)

Mine is on my dominant side. (BOO!)

HOWEVER...we found it early while it is small enough. (GOOD!!)

We have about a half inch of leeway from what appears to be the end of the tumor before we hit the hippocampus. (GOOD!)

They won't know until they get in there and see what it really looks like to be sure.

They might not hit what seems to be “normal” tissue.

Dominant side hippocampus controls my speech, memory and motor function.

He said I could live without it a normal productive life but with noticeable deficits.

It would be visual memory, naming things, cognitive memory to name a few.

RIGHT NOW there are NO deficits and they won't want to give me any.

As he quoted the Hippocratic Oath, “First do no harm.”

It should be removed. It will be removed via craniotomy.

Not today, not tomorrow but in the upcoming months.

In the meantime he wants us to go visit The Duke Brain Tumor Center.

We will consult with them and then follow up with Dr. Grossi and schedule from there.

Bottom line is, surgery will not cure it. It is a chronic condition that must be monitored the rest of my life or until they find a cure.  

Summary of the 8 days post biopsy

Here we are, practically two weeks post op.

Still no word on if there are any biopsy results. I am climbing the walls with anticipation and of course riding the roller coaster of life some days better than others.

The recovery went pretty well. Mainly I had a lot of pressure in my head and nausea. They gave me meds for nausea but it did not go away completely while taking it.

I still feel some of the disorientation but then again I have felt that for over a year now. It was more pronounced after the surgery though.

The Kids and Pups came home Tuesday by lunchtime.

Logan came home with hives on his legs and a rash all over the rest of his body. He was on an antibiotic.

Only because he had been sick for over 3 weeks and appeared to get better for 2 days only to get worse again. The week before my surgery I took him to the pediatrician and they gave him a script for the antibiotic. I jumped the gun because I was afraid that he would be a sick kid and have to go to the pediatrician within days of my surgery. I just knew we would have to go. Well sure enough we did but for the hives and rash.

My bad. Smooth move Mom!

Even thought I felt absolutely horrible I insisted on going with Andrew and Logan. Of course in our true family fashion there has to be a twist to it.

Not even a minute before the Nurse Practitioner came in Logan's nose began to bleed. For him it wasn't his typically gushing nose bleed but definitely not a drip drip kind of one.

Yeah.

So bottom line they say he is allergic to penicillin. A week later he still had the rash. He went in for allergy testing for food. (He's been tested before with no noted food OR penicillin issues.)

We heard today all tests are normal. Not even a hair on the line of “sensitive.”

Back to Tuesday..I felt terrible. Headache, pressure, nausea and super sensitive to noise. I stayed in our room to muffle the sounds of the Boys. I hated it but even the slightest noise caused me pain.

By the end of the day Sweet Baby D knew I was upstairs and he sat at the gate downstairs saying, “Mama, were are you??” Of course it was in his sweet baby voice with the wonderful 2 year old pronunciation. Andrew let him up and he came and laid on me. He is always constantly moving and climbing but that day he stayed still snuggling me for at least 30 minutes.

Wednesday was the first day back to school for the Big Boys. I dreaded being in the car. My Mom came to help as I could not pick up the Boys or drive. I felt incredibly nauseous and exhausted.

Thursday, Kate helped us out. I felt a little better not as exhausted just tired and still had nausea.

Friday there was a storm system moving in and I was in a state of constant motion sickness feeling without any help of any kind of motion...

I slept horrible. I prefer my left side but due to the soreness and the wretched stitch could not lay on the left side of my head. I also could not lay flat without feeling extra pressure in my head.  I slept propped up on pillows on my back or right side. In my sleep I would roll to my left and wake up to pain and move back.

After 8 days I could lay flat and sleeping was much better. This past Wednesday I got my stitch out so left sided sleeping is possibly only a little tender as long as I lay "just right". The numbness feelings completely subsided by day 8 also.

So here we are...still waiting and trying to find patience.

Hoping our Prayers for a conclusive biopsy are answered.

I think I am at the end of my waiting patience...

A few photos

It may seem weird to some but overall curiosity gets the best of everyone. 

That is why I had Andrew take pictures.  

The first request I had was the photo from hours after surgery.  I really wanted to know what it looked like and since I couldn't see it Andrew helped me out. 

The next photo was one I had him send my Sister.  It was also after all the numbness started to wear off I looked miserable but that is mostly because I realized how much it hurt to try to smile. I tried but not so good.  I wanted to sent a picture to my Sister to show her Kids (if she wanted to show them).  Last year not long after we found out our Church had their prayer blankets out after Mass.  My Sister's Kids wanted to get me one.  I found out one of my Friend's Mom is the one in charge of the Prayer Blanket Program.  

I thought it was really sweet of them and felt guilty too.  I felt guilty because I didn't (still don't) know if I am "sick."  I then told Andrew that I was going to start sleeping with the blanket so it was familiar to me in the event of this tumor becoming more of a concern.  That way it would be broken in.  So I had him get the blanket out of my bag and lay it on me so the Kids (again, if she wanted to show them.) and her could see I had it with me.  

Once home and after washing my hair on Tuesday evening I had Andrew take a photo of all the cuts on my head from the stereotactic cage and of the biopsy site. 

The biopsy site after applying some ointment on it..so it really hides it. 

The mark on the back side of my head from the cage. 

On my hairline near my forehead make from the cage..this was the first one I found  in the hospital.

The smallest one was being my ear on the biopsy side.