All sorts of nutty happy for the last 7 weeks

So here I am at our Bitty's OT appointment.

My Aunt stayed home with the other two so they get a break

and

Bitty gets a sense of semi-normalcy.
He went back much easier.

Even with his brothers not here,

he was better than having

a different person taking him

and/or

an extra person with us.

Things are rolling back to a new version of normal.

Which is nice.

Tomorrow is 7 weeks post craniotomy.

So today I met with Dr. Grossi for my post-op check up.
It was a fantastic appointment.

Just nice to get to go and get no extra news

and to finally

remember to thank him for all he has done for us.

He has done worlds for us!

Seriously.

He knew, he kept his eye on it

and

agreed with my gut too.

I have meant to thank him each time I have last seen him

and

I am so happy I actually remembered today.

He gets us.

Her gets our personalities.

He gets our jokes and attitude.
It was funny.

Before being called back

the CMA called someone else

and

looked at me and said, "Hi Carrie!"

I never can remember her name

and

feel like such a dope for not being able to

because she is so nice!

Andrew said my face turned as pink as my shirt.

I just thought ,"Oh Lord, how does she remember me?!"

I mean it is not like I am there a ton

and

he does lots of surgeries.

So he has a lot of patients!

She came back in a bit and called me back.
She told me I looked good.
I said that is my goal to get over all of this.

She took me back and we handed off our bag of thank you treats.
I still want to get more for the pre-op nurses

and

the neurosurgery floor.
I hope to be able to do this.
Oh Yes!

And

for the radiology staff who has done all of my MRI's there.
I have had the techs that remember me.

They did 6 of the 7 MRI's I had in 13 months!

While we waited the nurses would pop in to tell us thank you.
Also, say I look great!
And that they like the photo of me and the Boys. :)

Then the PA came in.

She talked to us for a bit.
It really was chit chat and a look at my scar.

We told her about our crazy last 7 weeks.

She asked how our Sweet Bitty was handling everything.
So we touched base on his transition issues.

She went to ECU and Duke so we talked about ECU for a bit.
I rambled about my goals and how kick ass this all will be.

She left and Dr. Grossi came in almost immediately.
We really like him.

He talked to us about the pathology some.
It is great that the entire tumor was consistent with the biopsy.
Sometimes a tumor isn't but we are lucky!

We talked about how this will be deemed a chronic condition
That will need follow up the rest of my life.
All he has said before that we remembered.

And that is OK.

I am stubborn and will kick it as much as necessary.
Who knows perhaps it won't come back.
You never know!

He liked the copy of my brain Andrew made.
He said to get the post-op MRI and make one of those too.
So we shall see...

I told him about my WONDERFUL Boot Camp class.
I told him about the team too for The Angels Among Us 5K.

He laughed with us about some things
and
gave me a name of a group to look us that
does races and other fun things for fund raising

for Brain Tumor research.

I finally told him how I have meant to Thank him

each time I have seen him

through all of this.

That said I said,

“THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING

YOU HAVE DONE FOR US!”

He said, “Come here!”

and

gave me a giant hug.

Then Andrew said, “OK, how about a picture.”

I mentioned to him about this blog too.

So anyways, yeah.

It was a great visit.
He said he will be following everything

from my

Neuro-Oncologist

whom he spoke extremely highly of.

And

then asked to for us to come in

and

touch base in about 6 months.

If we want.

We said, “OF COURSE!”

So, yup.

Like I said, he is PHENOMENAL!

Throughout all the time there Andrew and I

were both starving.

We hit up Char-Grill on the way back home.

Mmmmmm.

I love me some meat.

(hahaha..yeah..don't mind me. )

So, yes, I ate a ½ pound cheeseburger

and

some fries.

Mmmmm...

Yes, I can eat like Andrew

or

perhaps he can eat like me.

Yes..so we took some photos...

Today was a great day!

Andrew holding the model of my brain while we were waiting. 

Dr. Grossi posing for a photo with me.  Like I have said he is a Rock Star!!

My Lunch

What our table looked like when we were done.
I Love this Man!

My 6 week post-op ADD'esque novel based post.

One day over 6 weeks since the craniotomy.

Yesterday we were at Duke

meeting with the Family/Marriage Therapist.

It was good.

Really nice to sit down and talk with someone

non-biased.

We will see her in another two weeks.

(Our choice.)

This morning we took Logan into the Geneticist again.

So, after meeting our Genetic Counselor,

getting the run down.

signing consent,

having our Geneticist come in and talk

all the details behind the test,

Human Genome Exome.

Then back with the Couselor,

then checking out,

getting set up for the lab work

via phlebotomy.

Then waiting, watching people stare at Logan

chasing all around the waiting room,

then launching a lego car

about 6 inches from Andrew

and

watching it shatter after smashing

into Andrew's forehead.

We got called back for

our blood draw.

Andrew's turn,

mine

and

we finished with Bitty's.

Now, we wait for results in 4-6 months

as they filter through 17-20,000 genes

and

we hope to perhaps to find

some answers.

Since it seems we all fit into the

atypical pattern of issues.

Yeah...I could do an whole extra post on that kind of thing

or even type about

really our basic learning

of the need and/or hopefully help of this gene testing.

So the purpose of this post was to touch base on 6 weeks post op.

Yup..take me an entire 1 page of a word

document of typing to get to this point...

Haaaaa.

Yeah.

Can I claim tumor related ADD?

Or

like I said in a video I posted to Facebook

perhaps now it's

ADD/memory due to a hole in my brain??!

I used to be pretty on the ball on

everything

and

then it slowly started to drop.

Blame it on the Kids, stress,

all of the above.

Or

perhaps not.

So, 6 weeks and one day ago

Arnie got kicked out.

Bunk you Arnie.

Don't come back

and

if/when you do

I will stomp you again.

Yes..you suck.

I will win.

I am stubborn, hard headed

and

can be competitive and motivated.

Go Jump off a bridge Arnie!!

Yes. There is a spoonful of my feelings.

As of yesterday I feel I have made it over a

wall of challenge.

I feel like a version of myself.

I know I am not 100%

but actually

feel like I can do some things for the kids.

Last week I started wearing my contacts again.

My eyes weren't so happy.

My left eye still hurts like a foooool

to look up or roll it.

Yeah...since Arnie was putting pressure on my left optic nerve.

I hope it will lessen with time.

I figure so, since I still have some swelling in my left temple area.

My eyes will go blurry sometimes with contacts.

Not sure if I need to see the eye doctor again

or

just more time

and

sometimes they feel like I am looking through a magnifying glass.

Who knows?!

My head is actually not totally hurting

for the first time in 6 weeks too.

BOO YAH!!

Yeah..and I can lean forward with out

a ton of pressure building up in my head.

I can dry my hair after a shower

and

straighten it now

with out having to take a rest.

BOO YAH AGAIN!!

I WILL WIN FOOOOL!

Yes.

The Boys have done great

with the last little bit of me being able to do more.

Again, first goal is,

take care of my Boys.

The Kiddos and my Wonderful Husband.

The house may not be cleaned,

the laundry may be super behind,

but

the hopes of the basics.

Since my Aunt is with us

I was able to nap today

Yeah..I took a two hour nap

and

here I am tired still.

BUT not Exhausted.

Soo,
I will take that.

Once my body gets used to taking care of things here

I am back to Boot Camp Class.

I am so excited!!

Forward steps,

it may be baby steps

AND

I don't care!!

I mean come on, every bit moving forward is

AWESOME!!

I mean again...come on it's like the things

with our Bitty.

He follows a different ruler.

He takes baby steps.

I mean today at his appointment he

asked for a diaper change.

WHAT??!!

Yes, new for us!!

This is forward motion towards potty training

for

our Baby D he will probably be in a a few months

for

Bitty it could be a few months

or in a

year or more

but this is forward progress on it for him.

He is taking us there at

the pace that works for him.

If they both want to do it at the same time

AWESOME!
That would be the first time in 5 years

we could have break from buying diapers.

However, we will probably

have 1 in diapers which would be a break

for the first time in 2.5 years.

Yup and nice to your budget too!

So we shall see.

Again, so baby steps peeps!

They are good!!

It's whether you decide to see it or not.

We decide to.

So yup.

6 WEEKS FOOOOOOOLSSSS!!

Here we are.

I feel kind of like me!

YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

Which is great news for all

but

especially all the Boys I live with.

Who ever thought as a Mom

you would live with 4 Boys!

Heck if we had more kids they all would be Boys.

My gut says it.

I don't doubt it.

It's what was meant to be.

I am so grateful for all we have

and

all there is.

I think Andrew is there too.

Good. Just showed him what I typed

I got a nice head nod.

:)

Yes because when I type I

use my nice ear buds

with usually one silly rap song

yeah..

Lil Jon and

the East Side Boyz

and

Ying Yang Twins

Kings of Crunk

“Get Low”

…

inappropriate yes it is.

If you ever saw

Sandra Bullock's movie

“Two Weeks Notice”

and

she danced around a tribal fire

with

Betty White

and

sang her own song.

This was it.

So that is what I think of when I listen

to the not so nice lyrics..

I think of her dancing to it

and

can't wait to start running again

and

using this song as along exercise motivation.

Yup.

Our Boys

I am a bit tired today.

But want to touch the base of the Boys.

Tomorrow will be 6 weeks post-op.

They did very well in the first few weeks.

They handled it very well.

OK, well from what I have heard.

Do I have memory of it?

Nope.

Recently, they are having more meltdowns.

Baby D had meltdowns for Me or my Mom.

He would go back and forth on who

he thought he should fuss for.

He has trouble sleeping.

He wakes up screaming, “MOMMMA!”

Then he bawls.

He'll get out of bed and restart his

turtle that is a star night light,

cover himself up

and

whimper/scream (it's a toss up what he chooses to do)

“Momma,Mommy.”

He will sometimes insist that only I do things for him.

Like bath last night,

My Aunt took him upstairs

and

he screamed for me. (He LOVES her.)

So, Andrew and I headed up

he screamed when he saw Andrew

he kept screaming for me.
I was there

but when he saw all of us in there he would keep it up.

Once it was just Andrew and I

he calmed

and was OK.

He had a hard time going to bed.

I had to rock him twice.

(he doesn't like rocking usually)

Then while I couldn't sleep,

I came downstairs at 11p

and

he woke up hysterical again.

I could hear him clear down there.

Now Bitty Boo.

Yup.

Whew.

All transitions are terrible for him.

Anything of us going anywhere.

He follows me around screaming,

dragging my purse

or

holding onto my leg.

Then if he thinks one of his Brother's are

separating he runs after them screaming their name

and

tries to drag them with him.

Then he is afraid my Aunt isn't coming

and

he screams for her too.

He wants us all to stick together.

You need to go upstairs for bed?

He screams bloody murder

and

then you go upstairs and he calms.

This is regression where he used to be

before the years of speech therapy,

occupational therapy

and

structured teaching.

He takes longer to calm now

and

is much easier to set off.

Heaven forbid you are in public

and

he thinks everyone is splitting apart.

It is a massive meltdown.

Now granted he has done this before anyways,

it just comes with the territory of his challenges.

However, they are 10 fold from where they were.

He is constantly stacking blocks, etc

and

chasing them for his visual stimulation

and

his form of organization.

Our Biggun'.

He has done well.

It has really just been the last week it has spiked.

He would get frustrated

at times in the weeks prior

and

stomp his feet,

growl,

bawl up his fists

and

sometimes yell tremendously about something.

It happens with Kids.

Kids are kids.

However, they are happening more at home.

He likes to know what plans are, who is going where,

when will they be home.

Typical for us.

But, Poor Kid.

Yesterday, Andrew went into work early.

I got up with Andrew since I had been in bed since 9p.

Aidan did not get up when he usually does so when

my Aunt went to get Logan she checked on Aidan

and

found him hiding in our bedroom closet

shaking and hiding behind one of my many exercise balls.

We eventually learned from him.

Our Sweet Boy woke up (he's sleeping in our room while my Aunt is here)

and

we were not in bed.

He looked out our closet window

and

saw Andrew's car gone.

He thought Andrew and I had left.

(For any Dr's appointment or surgery

we usually take Andrew's car and leave the van for

our wonderful helpers and of course it holds all car seats.)

He panicked.

After my Aunt found him

he bolted downstairs sobbing.

I heard him and my Aunt gave me a quick low down.

I picked him up

(well I couldn't really pick him up)

I tried

and

quickly moved to the couch

so he could sit on me.

I held him tight while he sobbed on me.

Then told me what he thought.

I wanted to cry with him.

I didn't.

I just told him I am

not going anywhere.

I am here.

Daddy went to work and will be home after work.

I texted Andrew a quick update

and

got back a, “I will come home for lunch today.”

So I let our Biggun' know that.

That helped too

and

made his day when he saw his Daddy.

Andrew came home right before Aidan did from school.

Aidan came running into the house

and

jumped into Andrew's arms.

Right before getting dressed for school

I was upstairs

and

my sweet Aunt got told,

“You can NOT HELP ME!”

“MY MOM CAN, SHE IS NOT SICK ANYMORE!!”

I was taken back by his comment.

I did not tell him I was sick.

I am technically not sick.

I am recovering from surgery.
I did have some rough days,

but

did not use that word.

Who told him that?

Or

Is that his impression?

(I don't think the second.)

He pulled it again this morning.

Actually, all 3 are becoming more

and

more insistent that I am the

one to do things for them.

It's hard.

We aren't mad.

Why?

We all want a tad of normalcy back.

We are all SUPREMELY THANKFUL for

the WONDERFUL SUPER SWEET HELPFUL

Family we have.

But, we all get the Kids view too.

Who thrives on change in your home?

I don't think most do.

They want the same routine

and

the same care takers.

Who doesn't?!

So, here I am trying to rest as much as possible

to be able to do it

after my Aunt heads back home.

She is phenomenal

and

the Boys

love her tremendously.

We all appreciate her help SO much.

But everyone likes to get to their normal groove.

I am sure my Aunt misses her bed

and

her home too.

But I also know she is happy to help

and

do all the wonderful stuff she does for us.

So I better go and you know..do the rest thing

some more.   

Walking, Church, Embarrassed

I promise a big post to come.

Right now I am zapped again.

Walking 2.2 miles at a super slow pace

wore me out.

I came home

and

couldn't do anything for the rest of the day.

I went to bed early

and

slept all night

and

still woke up tired.

I went to Church

and

it was the younger Priest

doing Mass.

He goes very slow through

communion.

I was even more exhausted from

the time of kneeling.

To the point that when I went to receive

communion I had a hard time.

Before receiving it you are to bow

the accept it

and

you always say, “Amen.”

Well, this Lady

lost her balance bowing

and

tried to recover.

I accepted the communion

and

was embarrassed by the balance issue

and

then said, “Thank you.”

Ummmmmm, yeah.

I quickly said, “Amen as I turned away

and did the sign of the cross.”

I was a tad mortified.

I have taken communion since I was

7 years old.

I know how to do it

but yes.

I almost felt like explaining myself

but

made myself stop.

Yup.

I came home and took a 3 hour nap

and

still went to bed at 9p

and

could have done it earlier.

I woke up not exhausted

but

a smidge tired.

I became exhausted at 10:30a.

Yes.

There was some meltdowns from our

2 oldest this morning.

Again a whole other post.

We hit the grocery stores

and

yes.

I am DONE.

Ready for sleep.

My head hurts.

As long as these things continue

I also can't drive.

I can drive again if

I am no longer exhausted

or

headaching.

I know this..

Dr. Grossi, warned me not to get frustrated.

He said to take it easy and expect it.

But, some normalcy sounds nice.

It will come again.

I so miss Boot Camp

and

can't wait to go back.

I also miss taking care of the Boys

all day.

Not like it was easy

and

we did not always have good days

but

it is what I signed up for

and

love doing.

I miss it.

The Boys miss it.

I miss it all.

Andrew takes on a lot of the responsibilities

I would do.

One of my Aunts is staying with us for a few more weeks.

My hopes are to rest a lot while she is here

and

then hopefully be in decent shape

to do more for the Kids

after she leaves.

Once I get used to that then I can start back to

Boot Camp.

That will be a slow process.

I was told to remember

I will not be where I was before

and

will have to build back up to it

slowly over time.

So I guess once I get that down pat

then I can finally take on running again.

Hopefully this makes some sort of sense.

My speech issues show up when

tired

and

even in my typing.

I usually edit a post about 4 times to try and fix it.

But the last post..go back and read it. I said, “I will be a neuro-psychologist...”

OBVIOUSLY NOT, but I will meet with her.

Yes...

and

this one I am too tired to reread right now.

Sooo...hopefully it is coherent.

Quick post..many more to come

There is so much I want to post about

but

I need lots of rest after today.

Today was a great day.

Amazing, heart touching

and

so many things I cannot describe.

I wanted to update the blog this week

but

did not have the chance.

It was an interesting week.

I was also looking forward to the

Angels Among Us Event today.
That consumed a lot of my energy.

Our team went past our goal!!

The most gargantuan Thank You

to all who donated

and

participated.

The joyous thankfulness

kept me on the verge of tears

a lot this week

and

just a huge sense of being overwhelmed.

I want to donate at least one post

possibly more than one

in regards to it soon.

Team Members who all are from Boot Camp Moms. 

We got quite a few Duke calls this week.

We are now 5 days away from Logan's

genetics test.

Keep your fingers crossed we may

get a few helpful answers.

Andrew and I go to Duke on Wednesday

to meet with the Family Therapist

to get a good baseline.

She was super nice

and

said she can't wait to meet us.

She said she is excited to talk to us

with how I described how

we are and our outlook/view among things.

I also got a phone call from the Child Life Specialist too.

It was just for more background

and

how things are going.

Another entire post of how that is going

on good and not so good days

for the Sweet sometimes rotten

Little Ones.

Frustrating/hard on us but completely

understandable to

that things have changed

and

they just want some normalcy.

Yeah...

I also got another call

and

will be the

neuro-psychologist to establish a baseline

of my deficits.

Which I can't complain about them

since they have been there

longer than I realized

and

are a tad exaggerated

post-surgery

and

during the tiredness of recovering.

So yes.

So much stuff to say

but I am

up way too late.

I need to fix my hair

so it will be easier to do

tomorrow in the morning for
Church.

I will meet with my super awesome neurosurgeon,

Dr. Grossi in 10 days.

I also have one month to the date

my next MRI

and

visit with my nice neuro-oncologist, Dr. Desjardin.

 

Logey's 4 Yr Update and Momma's 31 updated

Bitty had a decent 4 year old check up.

The Doctor was thrilled with our

hopes and plans of

where he will be.

He was thrilled again with

all the help we supply to him.

He was even more thrilled

that we maintained it through all of

what is going on with me.

Bitty at 4 is

37.75 in tall (5%)

and

28.75 lbs (< 3 %)

He asked about his diet.

We explained how picky he is

and

how we work with it.

He was surprised and excited

and

said

we are giving him the best

well balance diet with

his picky self.

Yes.

Another area showing

Determination.

He was super happy.

He also remembered the other

Doctor talking about us

and

our situation.

I told him,

I am 31.

I won't die until 85-95 years old.

I am determined.

It will be done.

I know it is hard on everyone in our Family.

I know it is super incredible hard to even

try

and

wrap your mind around it,

accept it
or

really anything about it all.

It's not easy.

I just know I am stubborn.

I have for quite sometime wanted to be a Mother

I wanted only that.

OK, well, a wife too.

:)

But this is what I wanted

and

it is my job.

It will be done

and

continued to be done.

I won't lie.

Some days are not easy,

some are far from graceful.

Some days (more than others)

may be sending me to the

deep end

and

truly trying on every nerve

and

patience.

I am incredibly far from perfect

or

patient.

But I always try to go with my gut.

My Gut says, I will kick it.

I am determined

and

will do what we need to do for our Boys,

our Family.

God is giving us these challenges for a reason.

We get told we do well at things we do by a variety of people.

We don't see it that way,

we just see it as what we do

because we are supposed to

and

what we feel is best to do.

Perhaps we do, maybe that is part of why

we are challenged

because we will

perhaps get to something

super helpful for others out of it.

Knowledge, research, fund raising,

advocacy,

or

perhaps just simple enough

basic understanding

and

acceptance.

Who knows?!

I do truly feel we will slowly

be shown.

It will all be OK.

We will all find a way from it all.

When and how?!

Who knows,

I can only trust that He will

let us know at

the time we are needed.

It will all be OK.

I got my blood tests back today.

The NP says everything is normal!

It seems it's just the Keppra

and/or

stress

affecting how everything is going.

Today, after carpool for Logan and Aidan

I was able to walk our entire neighbor hood

with D, my Mom and our Babysitter.

I felt a little funny (kept it to myself)

but then felt a tad better.

I took a shower, fixed my hair,

ate some lunch,

took Logey in for his 4 year check up,

stopped by Target

and then headed home.

Finally at 5, my head pounded, felt swirly/dizzy/pressure/strange.

That is the longest it has taken to get to that point

AND
I did not nap.

I did take a few bouts of rest sitting today.

But HEY!!!

That is some progress!!

We'll see how tomorrow goes.

It will be just me and the Babysitter.

But we will see.

I had dinner and enjoyed it!

I drank some beer.

Yes...I did!

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!

I am here!

I will celebrate.

I may get a little slow sometimes,

my words may get a little mixed up

but

I AM HERE!!

I am now 31!

Ready to feel like I am finally

starting my 30's.

I will WIN!

My WONDEFUL Boot Camp people stopped by yesterday.

They brought me Gigi's Cupcakes and beer.

:)

They are AWESOME people.

Thanks for Everything Ladies!

Thanks for everything Everyone!

Thank you for kind thoughts and prayers,

for Food

or treats.

We appreciate it!

I am so HAPPY to have a glimpse of being

part of me again

and

hoping it continues

over the weeks.

No matter how it all goes.

I WILL STOMP IT!!

Uploading photos and videos from the real camera...

Hoping to post those in the next day or so.

Thanks Everyone!

Tomorrow I will be 31..

Yes. 

31...

Here is what I am looking forward to next Saturday. 

I am a little nervous of how overwhelming it may be. 

But, may as well get used to it. 

Next year I will run it

and

hopefully be fast like I used to be. 

Determination is key. 

If you take the 4.5 minutes to watch this 

it might hit your heart. 

At 2:38 the person in the bottom right 

corner of picture in picture

is my neuro-oncologist. 

A month to the date...

One month to the day from surgery.

Wow.

It's been a long month.

We have had a bunch of silly stuff happen.

For some reason God keeps

us challenged.

He is doing it for a reason

and

perhaps one day we will figure it out

or

maybe we will only get told a

smidgen of it.

To me that's OK.

It's OK because I don't want to be mad.

I don't want to waste my energy on that.

He has slowly shown us why we

are challenged on somethings.

I can only believe it

will slowly be revealed at appropriate times.

He is watching out for us.

It all will work out.

He will guide us

we don't need to understand

100%.

We just need to

have Faith

and

open ears and hearts

to bring in his guidance.

I woke yesterday morning

and

stood on the scale

I lost 10 pounds.

My clothes we just bought 3 weeks ago

are too big.

Most clothes after you wash them shrink a smidge

well, they did but they are now too big.

I got a call back from my Neurosurgeon's office.

It was one of the Nurses.

Dr. Grossi told her the night before

that he had been meaning to call me

but

his PA is out sick

and he was swamped

and said,

“Give her my cell and tell her to call me.”

Yeah..How AWESOME of a Doctor is that?

He did tell her that the neuropathology

was what he expected but

any questions I had to

call him.

I said it was OK.

I had talked to the people

at the Tumor Center.

They covered it for me.

I mentioned a few other questions

regarding my weight

and

some other issues that I am not willing

to share yet

but perhaps one day will.

I told her my gut was telling me to contact

my Primary Care Nurse Practitioner.

She said, “Yes, you should. Those are some strange things.”

Uh yeah...stick with your gut peeps!!

So yesterday I went and met with her.

I have for a while wanted to send her a Thank You note.
I haven't seen her since the day

she told me my MRI was not normal.

She's been kept up to date from my Neurosurgeon.

I got to Thank her in person.

I Thanked her for wanting to do an MRI.
I Thanked her for sending me to Dr. Grossi.

She said, “He's pretty awesome isn't he.”

I told her the name of my neuro-oncologist too.

I updated her on the Boys.

She also stopped and looked at Andrew

and

asked,

“How are YOU with everything??!”

She is wonderful.

She is concerned with my issues.

She is running a slew of tests

and

told us a few things she thinks it could be.

This is scaring Andrew a tad.

Since you know, she was spot on

about the brain tumor.

So we shall see.

In the meantime she said,

“Eat anything and everything you want.”

“Eat as much high caloric food as possible.”

I told her I am.

I said, “I have eaten tons of food

that I should at least be gaining some fat on

my a$$

but it's shrinking.

Yeah...peeps.

If I could take some peeps fat off of them

I would gladly do it

and

we all could be happy.

I walked Aidan into school the other day.

I am finally realizing a LOT of people there

know.

Especially people I have no clue who they are.

I got hugged by a random little Boy.

It is a lot to swallow.

I also know where Aidan is going to Kindergarten

next year.

Everyone will know.

(It's a close knit Catholic School at our Church.)

I could tell at Church on Sunday some

people knew.

It's hard.

For some reason I don't care

that I do this

but it means I don't necessarily

physically interact with people.

It's easier.

It's something that will

take time to process.

Maybe one day I will be better

but right now

everything

is a tremendous amount of

stuff for Andrew and I

to try and wrap our

minds around.

I don't know if we ever will.

But one day will be able to hopefully

handle it semi-gracefully.

Here are some photos.  

This is one week from today!  Join our team or if you can make a donation.  I am serious $5 would be AWESOME!!

Here we were getting close.  Not overwhelming. 

Our direction list with Andrew's phone assisting ...

Looking across the road at The Duke Cancer Center as we were heading into the parking deck.
There was a mass amount of adrenaline flooding my body from stress. 

We weren't celebrating.  We very rarely go out for meals,but wanted a drink
and a bit of time to process the appointment before we started talking to everyone.
You see how much is out of mine?!  Yeah...with all my body is doing and the meds...
I am a super cheap date...  Yeah...