6 year olds Heaven and Faith Conversation

A conversation I had with Aidan in mid June. 

Laying with Aidan at bedtime tonight,

I talked of my Great Uncle and Aunt who

we visited with today.

My Uncle is my Maternal Grandmother's

youngest brother.

He and my Aunt are my Godparent's.

They are also Logan's.

This brought on Aidan's need
to list who everyone's

Godparent's are.

Then I got asked how were my siblings and I

brother's and sisters.

I stated that we all have the same Mom and Dad.

I listed the birth order and stated how it was

like his brothers and him.

He then told me how his oldest cousin and him

are the oldest children.

I listed out that actually all 4 of his Grandparent's

are the oldest Children.

I listed all the Children in each of their families.

It came down to listing my Dad's siblings.

In that list is my Aunt Luanne, my Aunt Carol

and

of course I had to

mention there was also Tommy.

I never met Tommy.

I guess I should say, Uncle Tommy.

But he never got to grow up on Earth.

My Grandma, one of my Great Aunts,

Dad, Aunt Luanne and Tommy were in a bad car accident.

Tommy did not survive.

Aidan asked how Tommy died.

Biggun' is detail oriented.

So, the basic and general explanation is below:

I began with, it was before seat belts.

(at least back seat ones)

In this accident people were hurt.

His Great Grandma

broke her neck,

a Sister of his Great Grandpa's broke both thighs,

Grandpa had a cut on his face,

Aunt Luanne got knocked out of the car

and

Tommy (2 years old) hit the windshield

and

went to Heaven.

This of course brought on the Heaven talk.

He quickly asked, How did Uncle Larry die?

*My Aunt Luanne's Husband, Larry

went to Heaven in December of 2012. *

I said, he had something called an

aneurysm.

Aidan asked, what is that?

I said, it is when a blood vessel (he knows about arteries and veins)

get a bubble that pops.

I said, it could be anywhere in a body.

It happens to some people.

He then says:
My Kinderbuddy, Jack's Little Sister Ella

went to Heaven.

She had a bad spot in her brain,

they couldn't do anything for her

and

it made her go to Heaven.

Insert me being grateful for the darkened room

due to the tears in my eyes.

(My fear he may ask me a question regarding my “bad spot”)

I agreed with him.

I said, but all of those people are in Heaven with Jesus now.

They are healthy and happy and will live with Him forever.

I said, you know, Ella could have played with Tommy

or even Uncle Larry.

I then get asked,where is Heaven?

I counter, Where do you think?

He says, in outerspace.

I said, that sounds like a good place.

He says, I guess I will find out when I go there.

I told him that in Heaven,

everyone is healed and happy.

They are living with God, Jesus, the Saints

and Everyone.

He then tells me, you know animals go to Heaven too.

I bet Ella has played with Bacchus (one of my Sister's dogs).

I said, I bet she has.

I then listed the dogs of his Grandparent's.

I said, She has probably also played with Buddy, Jenny, Gracie and Dixie.

I then layed there overwhelmed and teary.

I gave him his kisses and blessings

then closed his door.

What a moment.

I came straight downstairs to record it as freshly as I could.

I did not want to forget details.

I do not want to forget the memories/moments.

I want to have things documented to keep for myself or at times to share.

A story is never ending, things may seem meaningless

and
at other times not.

This blog is my journal, our Family story,

shared with the most possible honesty of

our moments to share.

Also, with the stories of our Children

I want to capture the Beauty, Faith, Honesty

and non-biased view of the world they see.

I hope this post has reached some people's hearts.

As one day, a conversation like this may even be more close

to home.

As I hope it is not, but know at some point these things will happen.

I only hope a solid and hopeful base

fills our Boys.

First Arnieversary of Arnie's Apocalypse..

I had plenty of hopes to get things in order

and

have a post ready for yesterday.

It did not happen.

I want to sit down and update the blog

but don't know when to choose the time.

I don't want to do it with the kiddos running around

(and yet here I am this morning doing it)

or

once they are in bed,

I like to see Andrew

and

by the end of the day

I want to rest my brain.

I never gave the January update

from seeing my Neuro-Oncologist.

But as the saying goes,

“No news is good news!”

Things are clear, well that is how we say it,
the oncologoist and reports say, "stable"
as in Arnie's roots are not growing, 

my “hole” is getting more and more

clear meaning, it

has healed well

and

as she says, “They rest of my brain

is beautiful brain.”

I had some concerns regarding

regressions towards how I was post surgery.

I was becoming exhausted,

not able to to focus

and

especially at the new house,

clip walls, doors, cabinets,

drop things and the list goes on..

What she said makes sense,
I did heal well at our other home,

I had it all nice and organized

and

I knew the home.

She states, brain surgery is comparable to

a traumatic brain injury.

It takes a lot time to adjust to change.

So just by changing our home

I regressed.

I have a huge mess to organize

and

I am always the plan maker

of what needs to be done.

Then the effort to do it takes all of my

energy,

that does not include my typical

Mom duties.

I am back to not being able to pack

Aidan's lunch.

It makes sense, the comparison traumatic brain

injury however, I never thought of it

like that since there were supremely skilled

hands in my brain

and

was told many times by my neuro-oncologist

that it was the best resection she has ever seen!

But of course, skilled hands or not

a brain is not made to have someones hands in it.

:)

It was a good perspective and

helped me to reduce my frustration with it all

a little bit.

She let me decide if I want to come back in 5 months!

That does worry me a little but

it would be nice to spread it out a bit

and

 if I am not comfortable they

will see me sooner.

Just like Dr. Grossi did in 2012

and

when I trusted my gut, that I needed to get in,

I did, he did the MRI and it lead to the biopsy.

So, I am working on it.

Trusting the gut.

Since then I have had some

 bouts of organization

and 

rest.

I have gotten a few things revamped at home

the Boys are doing better with out the extra chaos of

disorganization

and

so am I.

I have had a few down days this week.

I am trying.

I have much more patience when I don't

feel like I have been hit by a truck,

joints aching, shooting pains in my legs and arms,

dizziness and nausea from that nasty spinning feeling.

Which we have had our NC weather going wacky

and I can feel the change.

Heck, even on good days with calm weather, 

 just going down a hill

will cause pressure in my ears to change

and

on bad days my head.

It happens to a lot of people...

So, yesterday was 365 days since the resection.

It does seem like forever ago.

I am not complaining.

I forget about it a lot,

then I hit the scar on my head,

or get the tingling through my scalp

and face,

or that spinning feeling,

or a

lack of strength

or dropping something

I had a bad week the other month.

My peripheral judgement was off,

I got a coffee mug out of the microwave

from reheating it but taking it out

I misjudged the opening of the microwave, slammed

the mug (a gift from our Boys) into the inside edge of the opening

and 

lost my grip 

and 

it

slammed to the floor.

This was after baking 

and 

not being able to judge the

flour scoop to the bowl,

and 

then had a whisk

that kept springing a part.

It was annoying but I carried on..I did get a bit

perturbed with the coffee mug.

But, we must carry on..

this are minor things

but a lot of times are just a tiny mirror

of how Life goes at times.

Annoyances..

Head up and keep on truckin'.

I spent some time yesterday

trying to remember what I could from March 13, 2013.

I have pictures that we took and I know I cracked goofy (or lame)

jokes 

and

 as the pre-op meds kicked in I got goofier.

Taking photos of all of us in the room.
I had the awesome nurses laughing with us.

I don't totally remember saying good bye

but as yesterday went on I remember the man I met

when he was doing further prep..

and 

we talked about kids.

I remember he had a heavy accent 

and

 he talking about placing my

arterial pressure device in my wrist

and

then I next think I remember opening my eye barely in ICU

I remember a blurry male nurse

and

 the window next to the door.

Then I remember being moved onto the neuro floor.

I met the nurse that I had for my biopsy, 

smiled talked to her 

and 

she introduced me to the new nurse taking over.

I remember my post op MRI sort of. 

 Andrew walked beside my bed as they rolled me

to the MRI techs who did 95% of my MRI's before that.

I think I remember him laughing with me

and 

 then they shut down the neuro floor for maintenance

and 

I was moved to another floor.

I met a PT on the neuro floor 

and 

got to practice walking with her

and 

was told to practice.

I remember a few practice walks..

and

that certain hallways smelled odd.

I remember my best friend coming with a burger 

and 

shake for Andrew,

I saw our Aidan, my brother, sister, my Grandma and one of my Uncles(possibly him more than once?).

My Parents were there especially in the day time

and

 one super sunny day where I felt horrible

and 

my neuro-surgeon's PA was there..

I saw my Dad sitting next to me 

and

 I went back to asleep.

What I remember most is the day I got to go home,

Dr. Grossi saw me, told me to go get a shower! 

I could wash my hair,

my face, brush my teeth

but that energy to get clean was a lot.

Andrew had to help me

(not what you think would happen to a 31 and 30 year old,

many people are much older if they have to do this

and we get told we are so young..but it sure doesn't seem like it

at times)

I also couldn't feel part of my face or my head

so since you can't see it

you need help.

I got to get dressed.

Then I said I wanted real food. (Andrew blogged about that)

Then the kind staff made sure before I got in the car

I got an IV dose of zofran so I could make the ride home

without hurling.

I walked in our front door climbed our steep stairs and went straight to bed.

That is the short winded (for me) of my 4 days post op.

What a wild and crazy year..

Top Left, pre op, mid left 24 hours post op (?)
Bottom left  and entire right 365 days post op.

Duke is A-MAZ-ING!!

So glad to be here with my Husband and Boys.

Don't forget, 

2014 Angel's Among Us

2014 Angels Among Us

I owe this blog some posts

and

have a few sort of typed that I need to add too

just can't find the time. 

I just want to share on here, the Angels Among Us

tab is updated with this years information. 

It is coming at the end of April. 

I want to put the link out to the team page

for anyone interested. 

If you are local and would like to join the team

please do, if you are local and can't make it

or not local, a donation would be extremely appreciated. 

No size too small. 

Every dollar raised goes directly to brain tumor

research. 

Every little bit makes an impact on what they can learn. 

There are some amazing professionals 

working towards a better understanding

and 

finding a cure to those

nasty guys. 

I promise more posts will come..

and 

THANK YOU TO MY HUSBAND 

for his surprise blog bombing.  :)

Rogers?! Dodgers..Uterine?! Shmu-terine..

Here is the end of another Rogers' chaos week.

Just FYI we took the chance of putting our house on the market.

It was a week ago yesterday “active”

we only had 2 showings last Friday

and

one this Tuesday.

Tuesday, we got an offer.

By yesterday it “fell through”

the buyers apparently had an medical emergency and backed out.

We sure hope they are OK.

If it is meant to be, then it will sell.

So far, only 3 showings.

So, we shall see and another weekend of

possible rain.

Which typically keeps people from coming out.

So yes, our chaos.

I went to my OB-GYN today.

Yes, possibly TMI.

Anyways, my body has been off since

the craniotomy.

It has had some issues prior they just

increased greatly since March.

At the end of May the Doctor noticed

my uterus was enlarged feeling via exam.
(As did Andrew and I because I was looking like Carrie 12 weeks pregnant..)
He wanted an ultrasound

and

told me a possibility of a biopsy would happen.

Well, it did.

So now we wait.

The ultrasound looked normal enough

but with how it felt

and

what has been going on

a biopsy was done (uterine lining).

He will be out next week

but

said he would be sure someone would

call me next week with results

and

the following week

he would call me

and

we will talk and figure out a plan from there.

Good enough to me.

I was a tad dizzy/off feeling after it.

The nurse seemed worried

and

surprised since I talked through it all.

Andrew informed her, it was the face.

If you saw her face, she was in pain.

The Nurse surprised I could talk through pain.

I am honestly constantly in pain.

It is a norm unfortunately.

To the point our kids can't sit on my lap without

increasing pain I typically feel.

It is just me and my body saying something.

We're just trying to open our ears and figure it out.

So we shall patiently wait and see

probably “nothing.”

Meaning they don't understand these kind

of things

but

just like to be sure it is nothing “serious” ie: pre-cancer or cancer

There is more than enough to distract

and

like he mentioned it could be cramping most of the day.

I could take pain killers.

Well, according to the neuro-oncologist

professionals, I cannot do Advil anymore.

But, it really just feels like the normal pain I feel

from someone sitting on my lap

or

like yesterday after the x-ray tech

(for my urologist appointment..kidney stones check up)

just touching my lower abdominal

in order to feel for “land marks”
that I am lined up for a good shot

caused me pain for the rest of the day.

By the way, I have been stone free for 3 plus years now

by a simple diet modification

that increased my citric acid levels.

The power of the body is amazing.

I won't step on the soap box at this time.

So, I am clear from going there unless they come back again.

But I have kicked those stones butts. :)

So, now we wait

but shall stay busy and see what the phone call next week brings.

In the meantime we need more bread made, waffles, pizza dough.

The Boys would love some Mommy time

to read or color with,

or outside time in the back yard

I also need to put away laundry

and

wash some.

Make a grocery list..

you name it..

there I plenty to fill the time

till that phone rings.

Onto the back of my mind it goes

far way until necessary
and so the focus goes to these wonderful
blessings I have.