Thursday's forgetfulness and Ella's Race tomorrow

I am having a hard time.

I am exhausted no matter how much I sleep

or

how active I try to be.

I am also having a hard time focusing

and

haven't shaken yesterday yet.

I guess just as the children I am a creature of routine

and habit.

I got to read to D's class.

So I parked in different spot of his preschool.

Once the reading was done,

school was over.

I took D and Logan and we went to where I parked.

I got the Boys in the car and drove home.

I pulled into our drive, put the van in park,

turned off the van

and

our Logan was standing behind me!

Apparently, I never strapped him in and he did not

complain.

I feel like a horrible failure.

I have before wondered if I did not strap them in

due to habit and ritual

and

will look in my mirror for a visual.

This did not happen.

Thankfully he was not hurt

however, I am hurt with myself.

I am not happy about it

and can't shake it.

I then later on unbuckled him after

getting him from school and forgot I did that (the unbuckling).

Then I panicked if I forgot again (to buckle him)

but when I retraced my steps I am 99% sure

I did unbuckle him.

Earlier this week I was so happy I made a big dinner.

I got everything finished together

at the same time.

Nothing was burnt and

was served warm (not hot or cold)

I feel like I just finally broke in the

kitchen at this house.

I also cleaned up.

So a complete meal start to finish.

One that required chopping stuff, while cooking

and baking multiple things.

I feel like I passed a dip in the roller coaster of life.

But then I forgot to buckle Bitty..

Then last night I reheated something on our

“low output” burner,

we have a gas stove.

At bedtime I I thought I smelled

gas in our upstairs hall way

but,
 blamed it on just having the stove top

on earlier.

I did not say anything
and
 convinced

myself not to check it.

I fell asleep pretty quickly,

I was wiped.

I woke when D climbed in our bed

after a while I kept smelling gas again.

I mention it to Andrew.

He did not smell anything. I laid

there in bed telling myself it was nothing.

Andrew gets up and showers and I pass back out.

(like I did not sleep the entire night.)

The next thing I know the 2 kids that were in our bed

were gone
and
 Andrew is waking me.

I indeed smelled gas,

he confirmed the burner was on all night long.

It was on low so you could barely see it.

So, as I know I should trust my crazy dog nose,

I am glad that I trust my gut

and
 don't store things over night on top our stove burners.

Say like a child's lunch box..

I know I should trust my gut

I do and at times I try to convince myself

it is just paranoia or just flat our crazy,

then things like this happen
.

I was right..I know better.

Sometimes life is just ca-razy,

It could be worse, it could be better.

So many people go through so much more so why complain?!

I am nervous and exhausted today.

Tomorrow, I am signed up to run a 5K.

I wanted to go to it last year but was only

10 days post craniotomy,
but
I REALLY wanted to be there.

It is “Ella' Race.”

A little girl used to go to Aidan's school.

A couple years ago she passed away from

a diffuse intrinsic pontine glioma,

an inoperable aggressive brain tumor.

My Sister had told me about her,
I, at the time signed up for her Family's care page to

follow.

I learned of her passing
and
 it made me sad.

February 8, 2012, this was 12 days prior to

me learning of my irregular MRI.

So, last year her first 5k in memory of her I felt I really

wanted to go.

This year was a must.

It will also be a practice 5K for me

in prep of the Angels Among Us.

I have not been training like I want to.

Today,  my chest burns and stomach flips

on top of

just being exhausted lately

and

always feeling car sick when I am just looking down

in a non-moving car
or
 not even in a car.

Tomorrow, will also be a big day for Aidan also.
He is coming to the 5K too.
He also wants to run...

At his school when you are in Kindergarten

you get assigned an 8^th grade Buddy.

Well, Ella has a big brother, he is now in 8^th grade.

He is Aidan's KinderBuddy.

I wasn't surprised when I found out.

I was also informed that the school “manipulates”

things.

That said, well, perhaps the school is just trying

to help people have Faith.

Inspire Faith, that is so lacking at times

in this world.

Inspire that people are brought together

for a reason

or

moved apart for a reason.
**Not speaking of a child's passing **

Like I said last year, I REALLY wanted to be there

and
toyed

whether I would introduce myself

or

if I would chicken out

or

be observed as an odd ball looney toon.

I can only say trust your gut

and

have Faith.

Having Faith doesn't mean

that things don't hurt,

or

you don't stress.

It all just happens.

 Stressing, worrying, hurting

does not mean we don't

have Faith.

Perhaps, it is just a calling to show us where

were should look.

We can try and fail

over and over again.

We may learn things are not to happen

as this time..
or

That there are bigger and uglier things

we are being shielded from.

It doesn't make sense at all.

But, it is not for us to try and understand.

We have Faith that this is the Path

we are to travel.

Do we struggle?

Yes

and

we must carry on.

Do we all fail at this?

Yes, yes we do.

We ALL do.

We must get back up and carry on.

That said,

I am picking up my tired self

and
going to check on our Little's.

I am going to aim to get things done I hope to today.

I am going to hope
and
 fight to

have patience,
happiness

and

make sure I do not over look all of the little Blessings that

will shine today.

And try to forgive myself for all of my forgetfulness

yesterday that has only increased my motion sick feeling.

Today is a new and beautiful day

and

tomorrow will be too.

Now commencing my battle with myself...

Where have we been?

Going crazy?

Very possibly. 

I am eating some chocolate and pretzels and sipping on a beer. 

Yup. 

It has been a while since I posted.  

We as normal have had a lot going on!

We sold our home we built!

After 8 years, we moved across town (nearer to Aidan and Daniel's schools.)

We now have a bigger yard

and

about the same size square footage. (a tad smaller..like 50 sq feet)

We closed on the new home on October 11.  

And the closing of our "old" home was on the 15th. 

We thought a few days overlap would ease the move. 

Hah!

We can dream right?

Here we are still in a mess. 

Supremely disorganized and tired. 

Logan had to go to  a new school since we moved into a 

new county. 

He is doing pretty good. 

The house we bought was empty since April. 

There were a lot of repairs that need to be done

and 

will still need to be done. 

Since it was vacant it was a bit yucky!

Lots of cleaning to do. 

Still not to my liking and soon enough will feel like our dirt. 

That said, it feels like home. 

The other house took almost 8 years to feel like home. 

Funny, huh.

I wake in the morning and don't expect to see our giant

vaulted green bedroom.

I am still not alarmed of the room I see 

just go.  Oh! Funny I did not expect to see the 

bedroom I slept in for 8 years. 

I have never really "moved."

Back in '83 my Parents moved to NC.

They are still in that house. 

My "moves" I remember are going to ECU

and 

marrying Andrew!

Andrew however, has a lot more moves that than under his belt. 

Some he may not remember much. 

His Dad was in the Air Force. 

Well, funny, to say, Andrew

was born in Germany.

Yup. 

From Germany, to Virginia, to South Carolina

to North Carolina. 

Yup, he has moved around some.  

We had some great help

and 

our very Thankful for all who helped us.  

In the midst of all of this. 

Logan got an earlier than scheduled call in with his

Geneticist. 

No answers, it turned into he got some weird genes from me. 

Then his Doctor turned to me and it was like

an appointment for me. 

My job is to inform all of my Doctors about this genetic mutation.

It is related to a rare disease called, "Acute Intermittent Porphyria."

My family doctor informed me I need to see a hematologist. 

So, yup. 

Never dull and all has to happen at once!

I don't remember if I ever updated on here.  

I saw my Neuro-oncolgoist in September and am 

able to stretch it to 3 month between visits versus

2 months. 

I will take that. 

As November turned, I was thinking, 

It has been forever since I have seen them!

It does seem like it because I would be prepping myself for

the visit that would be coming. 

SO yes, it feels like forever. 

It turns out to be on the anniversary of my 

MRI last December that scheduled the biopsy. 

That said, I feel like crap in general

and 

am feeling worse about this. 

It seems like a dream. 

At almost 8 months out I really almost think 

it was a bad dream. 

I was perky and positive then. 

I am having a harder time now. 

It is sinking in. 

I try not to let it get the best of me

but 

it is just  a constant reminder. 

It bugs me that it bothers me. 

I want to go run. 

But I am not because I feel like crap. 

But maybe if I run I will feel better?

But if I feel worse, I will have set myself back.

Anyways, I have lost my focus. 

I must make dinner. 

We moved. 

There is a lot going on. 

What's new?!

Our chaos and we keep on truckin'

just hoping to get back to 

my positive me. 

This non-positive me needs to go away and take a 

long walk off a short pier.  

I don't have time for her!

Our New Home. Top L-R: Toy room, backyard, kitchen.
Mid L-R: Dining room, stair case, office
Bottom L-R: Foyer, living room and Front

As you can see, stuff not done, no picture on walls yet.
It will come.

Office needs unpacked and organized and all the paper clutter should diminish.  :)

CA-RA-ZY..curve balls, c*ncer..We will win!

OH MY LORD!

We just live with CA-RA-ZY!!

Good and not so good.

Today was a good day.

Our oldest niece

had her First Communion.

It was nice.

It was the first time Logan

and

Daniel were brought to Church

in a few years.

Between 12 hour a day

colic and vomit baby

and

tantrum filled beyond belief

almost 2 year old

with

developmental delay

and

diagnosis.

Yes. They did OK.

The people behind us were nice.

They said they understood.

Logey and D

both insisted

Mama.

I was holding them most of the time

by the end

especially after kneeling

my legs were shaking.

So at this point I am tired

but

that is OK.

I did not get to listen as well

as I want

but

it comes with the Momma territory.

One Lady behind us told me at some point,

“You are a Super Momma.”

I just smiled.

OK?!

Then I think..does she know my Sister..

does she know me?!

What does she know?

Oh well.

She was nice.

I saw a Boot Camp classmate

who has a daughter there too.

I saw one of my OB's there.

I saw an old Boss

and

his Family.

One that we have known since I can

remember.

She commented on how small I am.

My Mom popped in with, "She had a recent surgery."

She asked what.

Yeah...so I had to answer.

Yup.

So...not what people expect.

You think?

After it all,we headed to my Sister's.

It was nice.

With a Rogers' curve ball.

With that...what do I do?!

I enjoyed some Chardonnay.

We had cucumbers, carrots and celery to enjoy.

Then came the meal.

Beef tenderloin.

Mmmmmmmmm..

Yes...so

2 beef tenderloin sandwiches, mac n cheese,

salad, then another chunk of beef tenderloin,

then a small bit of tenderloin,

then a piece of super yummy

chocolate cake,

then the rest of Aidan's cake

then I got another slice

and

ate one bite.

Then I felt full.

Yeah..

then I kept munching on veggies

yeah.

I am a weirdo.

And of course water!!

Yeah...I am planning on Boot Camp

class on Monday.

I know I can't do much

but

this is how I handle

curve balls.

It's how I get out the frustration,

or anxiousness

or

whatever you want to call it.

This comes with the cruddy situations

and

the good.

So..it's my coping mechanism.

Crazy Lady I know.

So..

What

A

Day!

OH yes!!!

AND MY SISTER
told me an idea she thought I might like

and

we want to try for fund raising

for the Brain Tumor Center.

A beer run!!

Run a lap, drink a beer, run a lap, drink a beer...

You get the hint!

I think it's AWESOME!!!
TOTALLY!!

I wonder who all would come..

Let me know!

We shall see how we work it all up!

Seriously!

She was in the newspaper this week.

She and my awesome Brother-in-law..

 he's an in-law..

but peeps...

He's been around a long long time!

He's my brother!!

I mean..we're talking 22 years...

yeah...since he first showed up

they have known each other longer than that though.

She was in the paper talking with

a 10 year old who has lymphoma

and

working with fund raising.

We will battle you you nasty

C word.

The word I try to avoid around our Boys.

I have some not so nice phrases

that cover my feelings on that.

WE WILL WIN!

Knowledge is power.

What better way to kick it back!

I promise “C” I will be wear at least

a lead combat boot

and

some more

tricks up the sleeve.

Like I said,

we get our i's dotted

our t's crossed

and

our wants are raising

money on research.

KISS MY BUTT CANCER!

WE WILL KICK YOU BACK

AND

THEN SOME!

WE WILL WIN!!

YOU SUCK!!

OK..I will stop there.

Here are our Boys and us this morning before we left for A's First Communion.

Take 1

Take 2

Start to finish

Oh Man..It is SO nice.

Seriously..

7 weeks and 2 days later I

got to be “me”.

This sounds nuts I know.

I was able to start

something in the kitchen

and

finish it.

Like finish finish.

Our Friday nights are

pizza nights.

Homemade pizza

due too all the Boys

food issues

and

well, our budget too!

Think I ever used this much?

And I have to say it's pretty good

yeah..perhaps better than most.

Biased..sure I am,

over-confident?

No not really.

But it works for us.

Dry ingredients..

Resting

So, last week I made a double batch of pizza dough

for the first time in almost 2 months.

I baked the last half on Sunday evening.

(And I typically do only 1 batch at time.)

But that was as far as I got.

Tonight, oh tonight..

I decided not to use the extra's

from last week

and

keep them in stock

and

do another double batch.

I made all the crusts,

Andrew helped prep a few

of the whole made pizzas.

I prepped the sauce with our hidden

food in it.

Yeah..tried it last week and it worked.

Pizza sauce with raw spinach pureed into it.  

Last week I also found the way

to get D to eat pizza too.

Granted he get's his own

small size pizza

that only he eats.

(this could be another post on food issues..)

Tonight, I even cleaned up the

entire mess I made

and

did the nightly dishes of

sippy cup parts and straws.

Yes!

Make dinner from scratch,

cleaned it up

and

did the kitchen clean up.

Now, my Aunt cleaned up all

the Kid's toys.
Andrew got them into bed.

I did fold some towels too.

And I just finished painting

my toe nails for

my oldest Niece's

First Communion

tomorrow morning.

But yes, this is great!

A great night!

A night of a sense of

normalcy.

No nap today either.

Actually, I think only one nap this week.

It's been a long week.

Monday, a normal day.
(Edit: No, it wasn't.  Yes, memory fail.
Andrew had his MRI recheck done. So we were
waiting for another hospital to do it. Uggh..
Duke is WAAAAY better over Rex in that area.  The techs were awesome,
the other staff not so much. ))

Tuesday,

was my post-op check up

which left me on cloud nine.

It was nice to have the

professionals say I was doing well.

Family on the other hand are

more timid

and

still worried I will over do it.

No worries guys,

I am listening to myself.

I know what I can do

and

do indeed push myself to gain some

but

try not to over do it

and

if I do

then I make myself recover from it.

I make sure I slow down.

However, I am doing well.

I really am.

I know I am not ready for all I did before

but

really, I am working on it.

The only way to get better is to rest

and

I have

but to gain

you also must challenge yourself.

So, Tuesday afternoon was the typical Logan

OT appointment.

Wednesday, was a normal day

with some shopping in it.

Thursday, BUSY!

Aidan had his final

preschool field trip.

My Aunt kept the Littles

so I could take Aidan on his own.

Which was super awesome!

Get to only have “one” kid!

I usually take Logan so he gets the idea

of how to handle something like that

which is usually chasing him

as he is running away

and

getting into danger

and of course

tantruming due to not understanding

what the boundaries or expectations are.

I try but it's hard for him.

I usually have my Mom or Andrew

come and help

especially with D too.

It puts you in a position of people

watching or wondering

and

the last field trip I took them on

turned out people sitting down

questioning me.

It's hard.

Very hard.

But, we all have to learn and gain somehow right?!

Anyways, it was nice

and

an actual chance to talk to the other Mom's

there.

First time.
Of course he's almost done with preschool now.

I guess better late than never.

Right?

Then he and I went out to lunch

using a wonderful gift someone gave us.

I checked with Andrew and he thought

it was a good thing to do.

Then Aidan and I

searched for the gift I

wanted to get

my oldest Niece for her

First Communion.

Finally found it.

Picked up some things we needed for home

and then

made it home.

Then today was a normal Friday.

I picked up my youngest Niece from

preschool with Aidan

and

they got a play date together.

My Sister has been helping pick Aidan up from

school

so I mean it was the least I can do

and

Aidan and her are good buddies.

You know it's just nice to be “me” again.

Like I said I have a ways to go

and

know that

and

am OK with that.

Not sure how all of the Family is.

I know how Andrew is.
We talk.

We're good about that.

That is how we signed up for all of this.

If he thinks I need to stop

he will let me know

but he also

knows when I am building up.

We do pretty good.

We can yell.

We do

sometimes.

It happens.

We talk well sometimes

and

others not so much.

But, we figure it out together

and

a lot of the time

are on the same wave length.

We do pretty good.

You know coming up the day before

my next MRI will be 12 years

since our first kiss.

Yes, I remember the day/night.

August will be 12 years since we

“officially” became a couple.

Heck, in December

will be 16 years since we

first started being friends.

We've been married 8 years.

Yeah..like I said..

we know each other

and

work pretty well

together.

You know, I kinda like him.

I think he kinda likes me too.

Just a thought.  

Our Sweet Boys...just because.
Aidan and Logan's are from March before the craniotomy
Baby D's are more recent. 

Walking, Church, Embarrassed

I promise a big post to come.

Right now I am zapped again.

Walking 2.2 miles at a super slow pace

wore me out.

I came home

and

couldn't do anything for the rest of the day.

I went to bed early

and

slept all night

and

still woke up tired.

I went to Church

and

it was the younger Priest

doing Mass.

He goes very slow through

communion.

I was even more exhausted from

the time of kneeling.

To the point that when I went to receive

communion I had a hard time.

Before receiving it you are to bow

the accept it

and

you always say, “Amen.”

Well, this Lady

lost her balance bowing

and

tried to recover.

I accepted the communion

and

was embarrassed by the balance issue

and

then said, “Thank you.”

Ummmmmm, yeah.

I quickly said, “Amen as I turned away

and did the sign of the cross.”

I was a tad mortified.

I have taken communion since I was

7 years old.

I know how to do it

but yes.

I almost felt like explaining myself

but

made myself stop.

Yup.

I came home and took a 3 hour nap

and

still went to bed at 9p

and

could have done it earlier.

I woke up not exhausted

but

a smidge tired.

I became exhausted at 10:30a.

Yes.

There was some meltdowns from our

2 oldest this morning.

Again a whole other post.

We hit the grocery stores

and

yes.

I am DONE.

Ready for sleep.

My head hurts.

As long as these things continue

I also can't drive.

I can drive again if

I am no longer exhausted

or

headaching.

I know this..

Dr. Grossi, warned me not to get frustrated.

He said to take it easy and expect it.

But, some normalcy sounds nice.

It will come again.

I so miss Boot Camp

and

can't wait to go back.

I also miss taking care of the Boys

all day.

Not like it was easy

and

we did not always have good days

but

it is what I signed up for

and

love doing.

I miss it.

The Boys miss it.

I miss it all.

Andrew takes on a lot of the responsibilities

I would do.

One of my Aunts is staying with us for a few more weeks.

My hopes are to rest a lot while she is here

and

then hopefully be in decent shape

to do more for the Kids

after she leaves.

Once I get used to that then I can start back to

Boot Camp.

That will be a slow process.

I was told to remember

I will not be where I was before

and

will have to build back up to it

slowly over time.

So I guess once I get that down pat

then I can finally take on running again.

Hopefully this makes some sort of sense.

My speech issues show up when

tired

and

even in my typing.

I usually edit a post about 4 times to try and fix it.

But the last post..go back and read it. I said, “I will be a neuro-psychologist...”

OBVIOUSLY NOT, but I will meet with her.

Yes...

and

this one I am too tired to reread right now.

Sooo...hopefully it is coherent.

A month to the date...

One month to the day from surgery.

Wow.

It's been a long month.

We have had a bunch of silly stuff happen.

For some reason God keeps

us challenged.

He is doing it for a reason

and

perhaps one day we will figure it out

or

maybe we will only get told a

smidgen of it.

To me that's OK.

It's OK because I don't want to be mad.

I don't want to waste my energy on that.

He has slowly shown us why we

are challenged on somethings.

I can only believe it

will slowly be revealed at appropriate times.

He is watching out for us.

It all will work out.

He will guide us

we don't need to understand

100%.

We just need to

have Faith

and

open ears and hearts

to bring in his guidance.

I woke yesterday morning

and

stood on the scale

I lost 10 pounds.

My clothes we just bought 3 weeks ago

are too big.

Most clothes after you wash them shrink a smidge

well, they did but they are now too big.

I got a call back from my Neurosurgeon's office.

It was one of the Nurses.

Dr. Grossi told her the night before

that he had been meaning to call me

but

his PA is out sick

and he was swamped

and said,

“Give her my cell and tell her to call me.”

Yeah..How AWESOME of a Doctor is that?

He did tell her that the neuropathology

was what he expected but

any questions I had to

call him.

I said it was OK.

I had talked to the people

at the Tumor Center.

They covered it for me.

I mentioned a few other questions

regarding my weight

and

some other issues that I am not willing

to share yet

but perhaps one day will.

I told her my gut was telling me to contact

my Primary Care Nurse Practitioner.

She said, “Yes, you should. Those are some strange things.”

Uh yeah...stick with your gut peeps!!

So yesterday I went and met with her.

I have for a while wanted to send her a Thank You note.
I haven't seen her since the day

she told me my MRI was not normal.

She's been kept up to date from my Neurosurgeon.

I got to Thank her in person.

I Thanked her for wanting to do an MRI.
I Thanked her for sending me to Dr. Grossi.

She said, “He's pretty awesome isn't he.”

I told her the name of my neuro-oncologist too.

I updated her on the Boys.

She also stopped and looked at Andrew

and

asked,

“How are YOU with everything??!”

She is wonderful.

She is concerned with my issues.

She is running a slew of tests

and

told us a few things she thinks it could be.

This is scaring Andrew a tad.

Since you know, she was spot on

about the brain tumor.

So we shall see.

In the meantime she said,

“Eat anything and everything you want.”

“Eat as much high caloric food as possible.”

I told her I am.

I said, “I have eaten tons of food

that I should at least be gaining some fat on

my a$$

but it's shrinking.

Yeah...peeps.

If I could take some peeps fat off of them

I would gladly do it

and

we all could be happy.

I walked Aidan into school the other day.

I am finally realizing a LOT of people there

know.

Especially people I have no clue who they are.

I got hugged by a random little Boy.

It is a lot to swallow.

I also know where Aidan is going to Kindergarten

next year.

Everyone will know.

(It's a close knit Catholic School at our Church.)

I could tell at Church on Sunday some

people knew.

It's hard.

For some reason I don't care

that I do this

but it means I don't necessarily

physically interact with people.

It's easier.

It's something that will

take time to process.

Maybe one day I will be better

but right now

everything

is a tremendous amount of

stuff for Andrew and I

to try and wrap our

minds around.

I don't know if we ever will.

But one day will be able to hopefully

handle it semi-gracefully.

Here are some photos.  

This is one week from today!  Join our team or if you can make a donation.  I am serious $5 would be AWESOME!!

Here we were getting close.  Not overwhelming. 

Our direction list with Andrew's phone assisting ...

Looking across the road at The Duke Cancer Center as we were heading into the parking deck.
There was a mass amount of adrenaline flooding my body from stress. 

We weren't celebrating.  We very rarely go out for meals,but wanted a drink
and a bit of time to process the appointment before we started talking to everyone.
You see how much is out of mine?!  Yeah...with all my body is doing and the meds...
I am a super cheap date...  Yeah...

My vague version

I should make a post here.  

I am not sure what really to say. 

I am sleeping a lot. 

That is for sure. 

It will all come around but yeah, I get exhausted very easy. 

Andrew had to take Logan to Duke for a follow up that I wasn't able to go to. 

Logan will needs some extra tests done but we have to see what our insurance says. 

Andrew can hit some more info on that.  I don't really remember it all. 

My memory is slow.  I don't remember everything so far. 

I don't always make everything connect. 

In time I will be smart over time. 

It just takes some time.  

I get my stitches out on Tuesday. 

I was supposedly going to get them out yesterday but did not.  

My neurosugeon did stitches instead of staples too. 

He did a lot of very small stitches making it more dermatologist like. 

Dr. Friedman from The Tumor Center called and talked to Andrew. 

They will call back soon and tell us when I am supposed to come over. 

We figured out where Aidan is going to school.
He's super excited and so are we.
He will head to Catholic School.
It all just fell into place.
Crazy, I tell you.

This is all crazy.  I don't remember much from surgery.
I met with two nurses in pre-op then they moved move to PACU.
In PACU I talked to a man a little bit, we really talked about our kids
and then I have no more memory.

I was in ICU for a night.  I have very minimal memory. I slept a lot.

My arm is just healing from my artery pressure.  My arm looked so nasty from it.
It is pretty sore too and was green and black.  It's finally fading.

I was on neuroscience floor for a night but they closed it down and moved me to another new floor.
Dr. Grossi came and checked on me a lot.  He sent me home with one last dose of antiinausea meds.
They waited right before they took out my IV's so it could keep me in check so I could make it home.

I have had a bad bout of the meds all getting messed up and making me sick.
The first few days I was home Andrew called my Doctor back they had me on some medicines
that I don't remember most of our days.
Apparently I was having a bad reaction.
I have no clue.

I am finally waking a little more most days but I get worn out really easy.
I get off balance and shaky.
I feel like an old lady.
Dr. Grossi kept telling me not to let it frustrate me and give me time.
It's just so weird.
It makes no sense.
This whole thing is crazy.
I don't get it.

I do know that God has a reason for it.
We'll figure it out hopefully and we will always keep on trucking.

I got three young babies.
I am going to be for my Husband forever.
We have stuff we have to try and figure out with Logan too.
Of course for all 3 Boys.

It's weird that is all I know.
We will learn from it and some how we are going to keep
making big things.
We're going to figure it out.