Almost 8 week post-op and Boot Camp Baby!!

Oh 8 weeks.

Yes, 8 weeks ago tomorrow.

So, last night I went back to Boot Camp.

Like normal we must always

have a level of chaos

maintained in our life.

After 8 weeks of Bitty in meltdown

mode

and

the other 2 being definitely out of sorts
and then

add some non-kid crazy

wildness.

I need to burn off excess energy!

I have to make my brain stop moving

8,000 mph.

I need my stress relief.

By mentioning about Boot Camp

some people came out of the cracks

trying to say I am over doing it.

Don't worry people!

I listen to the professionals!

(From my Neurosurgeon, Neuro-oncologist PA, Neuro-oncologist MD etc..)

I take it to heart

and

I listen to my body too.

How else do you think we found

the tumor?!

If you do any reading on early symptoms,

people tend to ignore them

and

only listen once it is aggressive.

Now that said, I never would have

thought that was what

was going on in my body.

But I knew in my gut something

just did not feel right.

I am not a big go to the doctor

for every silly thing.

(Don't get me started on that rant.)

I go when something just

out right doesn't seem right.

It's a gut feeling.

A feeling of something hanging

over your head or weighing

on your shoulders.

*If it's not obvious symptoms that you are super ill

and

need something from the doctors to over come it.

So yes, I listen to my body.

I keep getting warned about

not over doing it.

So far, not over doing it.

You do need to challenge yourself

but within reason of course.

So, that is what I do.

Here I was ready to go

with our Boys swarming around me

of course.

So I watch the Kids and Andrew wanted a retake

The Biggun' and D insisted on holding my hands. 

How else am I to know where I am?

You have to try and see
then you will know
if you need to step back

or

amp it up.

So, I went to Boot Camp last night.

AWESOME!

As I was told by the awesome Doctors,

I knew I could not do

what I used to do.

I know I have to ease back into it.

Luckily, my Instructors are great at

modifications

and

I do have a degree in exercise science.

So I also know modifications

to exercises too.

I did not bring my bag with my weights in it.

I used my Mom's small weights some

and

did most with no weights.

I also know I cannot do cardio for another month

So, again modifications in play right there!

And

I am perfectly OK with that.

Don't get me wrong, I wanted to run

but I know what it would feel

like if I did.

I know what the aftermath would be

and

it would be a terrible feeling.

That's enough for me to know

and

keeps me far from the temptation.

Class was great.

My Instructors are awesome

and

the nice boost you get after

a good exercise was AMAZING!

It was awesome!!!

This also made me sleep better.

Finally a more peaceful night of sleep

minus the fussing D through the night.

Which is just what he has been doing since

we have had extra people around

the house for weeks on end.

Once he gets the feel that it's just us

he will hopefully sleep a little easier.

That said, I am tired this morning from his disruptions

but

my giant bags that have been under my eyes

for 8 weeks

are gone.

Yeah.

Finally, some real rest

so again, as I have said before

I can only sit still for so long!

Then I get antsy and have to burn off

the excess energy.

Heck even this morning

Bitty's Speech Pathologist that

comes to our house

asked me how I was feeling.

She then said that I have so much more

energy than I have since the surgery.

I give that credit to going back to class.

It was AWESOME!!

Logey's 4 Yr Update and Momma's 31 updated

Bitty had a decent 4 year old check up.

The Doctor was thrilled with our

hopes and plans of

where he will be.

He was thrilled again with

all the help we supply to him.

He was even more thrilled

that we maintained it through all of

what is going on with me.

Bitty at 4 is

37.75 in tall (5%)

and

28.75 lbs (< 3 %)

He asked about his diet.

We explained how picky he is

and

how we work with it.

He was surprised and excited

and

said

we are giving him the best

well balance diet with

his picky self.

Yes.

Another area showing

Determination.

He was super happy.

He also remembered the other

Doctor talking about us

and

our situation.

I told him,

I am 31.

I won't die until 85-95 years old.

I am determined.

It will be done.

I know it is hard on everyone in our Family.

I know it is super incredible hard to even

try

and

wrap your mind around it,

accept it
or

really anything about it all.

It's not easy.

I just know I am stubborn.

I have for quite sometime wanted to be a Mother

I wanted only that.

OK, well, a wife too.

:)

But this is what I wanted

and

it is my job.

It will be done

and

continued to be done.

I won't lie.

Some days are not easy,

some are far from graceful.

Some days (more than others)

may be sending me to the

deep end

and

truly trying on every nerve

and

patience.

I am incredibly far from perfect

or

patient.

But I always try to go with my gut.

My Gut says, I will kick it.

I am determined

and

will do what we need to do for our Boys,

our Family.

God is giving us these challenges for a reason.

We get told we do well at things we do by a variety of people.

We don't see it that way,

we just see it as what we do

because we are supposed to

and

what we feel is best to do.

Perhaps we do, maybe that is part of why

we are challenged

because we will

perhaps get to something

super helpful for others out of it.

Knowledge, research, fund raising,

advocacy,

or

perhaps just simple enough

basic understanding

and

acceptance.

Who knows?!

I do truly feel we will slowly

be shown.

It will all be OK.

We will all find a way from it all.

When and how?!

Who knows,

I can only trust that He will

let us know at

the time we are needed.

It will all be OK.

I got my blood tests back today.

The NP says everything is normal!

It seems it's just the Keppra

and/or

stress

affecting how everything is going.

Today, after carpool for Logan and Aidan

I was able to walk our entire neighbor hood

with D, my Mom and our Babysitter.

I felt a little funny (kept it to myself)

but then felt a tad better.

I took a shower, fixed my hair,

ate some lunch,

took Logey in for his 4 year check up,

stopped by Target

and then headed home.

Finally at 5, my head pounded, felt swirly/dizzy/pressure/strange.

That is the longest it has taken to get to that point

AND
I did not nap.

I did take a few bouts of rest sitting today.

But HEY!!!

That is some progress!!

We'll see how tomorrow goes.

It will be just me and the Babysitter.

But we will see.

I had dinner and enjoyed it!

I drank some beer.

Yes...I did!

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!

I am here!

I will celebrate.

I may get a little slow sometimes,

my words may get a little mixed up

but

I AM HERE!!

I am now 31!

Ready to feel like I am finally

starting my 30's.

I will WIN!

My WONDEFUL Boot Camp people stopped by yesterday.

They brought me Gigi's Cupcakes and beer.

:)

They are AWESOME people.

Thanks for Everything Ladies!

Thanks for everything Everyone!

Thank you for kind thoughts and prayers,

for Food

or treats.

We appreciate it!

I am so HAPPY to have a glimpse of being

part of me again

and

hoping it continues

over the weeks.

No matter how it all goes.

I WILL STOMP IT!!

Uploading photos and videos from the real camera...

Hoping to post those in the next day or so.

Thanks Everyone!

Slow Brain

Cuddling with D.  Little Man is still irked with me.


Today is a blah day.

I woke up with a horrible nauseated headache.
I am tired as all get out.
I walk very slow, unsteady and have to sit down every few steps.

So FRUSTRATING which is what Dr. Grossi had told me.
He also kept reminding me to wait to try and exercise
because he doesn't want the kind of frustration.

It is going to take some time to for my brain to recoup.
I will be very tired for some time.
I am still slow.
My thoughts get a bit mixed up too.
My left eye gets mad.
It will hurt really bad due to the fluid hanging in there.
I always feel like I am rocking when I am not.
My eye will go out of focus and blur.

It will just take time.
I have to keep remembering it but it
sure does annoy me.

I don't want to waste time laying around
but it's what my body needs.
But SO ANNOYING
I want to do more.

My focus is hard to maintain right now too.

My hair is growing back it's about a quarter of an inch long.
It is all numb still pretty creepy when blowing it with the hair dryer and flat iron.

It's also pretty crazy it is now been 2 weeks since my surgery.
How?!
I don't remember a lot of everything so it seems strange that 14 days are down.

This is just all strange.

I go back to see Dr. Grossi on April 30th.

Nuts.

I can drive when I am no longer tired.
I asked today to see.

Our Bitty Boo will be 4 in 11 days!!
Crazy!
I kind of dread going for his check up.
They won't make us fill out all the questionnaires
because he doesn't really fit into that
developmentally.
They just ask us about how much therapy we put him in
and
how he does that.
They ask what our "plans" are too.

Then he goes to a lot of Doctors.
We'll figure out when he goes back to the Geneticist at Duke
and
then right before school he has to go back
to the developmental pediatrician.

It' just how things go.
It's silly.

I am just annoyed today
and
it drives me nuts!
I DON"T want to be annoyed
and
going to Boot Camp or running helps me kick
my frustrations
but
I can't go right now.

Ugggggggghhhhh.....
I will figure something out.

Hoping it sticks

We are now at 4 days before surgery. 

It is hard to imagine next week at this time I will have had a craniotomy.

Very weird to say the least..

We are in preparation mode. 

I have pancakes made..well I did.  

I made a double batch on Sunday and there are only 2 left!

I have a double batch of waffles. 

Today, will hopefully include pizza crusts and at least 2 loaves of bread.

You see, I am a fiend about preservatives and knowing what goes into our foods. 

ALSO, it really is a ton cheaper to make it yourself and doesn't take too much time.

In my opinion...

So, I make big batches of waffles, pancakes and pizza crusts so they can be frozen. 

Our Rogers' special of "Eggos" and "Frozen Pizza"

they get eaten up quick too. 

I am hoping for this to make breakfast easier on Andrew and hopefully make sure our supply won't run out too soon. 

I need a good scrub on my fridge because when I am unable to do it, I will think it looks super dirty.

Mopping, bathroom cleaning,clean sheets,laundry, brush the dogs etc. 

On top of all of this I want as much time as I can with the Boys.

Andrew noticed this week that Aidan has his first lose tooth!

We are hoping he loses it before the surgery or after we are home from the Hospital.

That's a big first to miss!
 If I miss it I think I really will cry. 

The Little's seem to be requesting me more for snuggles.
  This is a BIG deal for Logey.
I am trying to eat it all up but also get things done.

This morning I went to my last Boot Camp class for a few months.
The Ladies there are WONDERFUL.
When I started 2 years ago I never would have imagined how great these women are.
They have gone above and beyond to help my Mom and I.
They are generous, kind and are people I feel lucky to be able to have met.
I am going to miss class terribly while I am recovering.
I am looking forward to coming back to class and hoping to take up running again too.

I want to race again.
I used to love it.
Always giving yourself a challenge to face and over come.

I find myself day dreaming more than ever.
I get lost in music a lot too.
Always day dreaming there is a reason for the song or it was played especially for me.
That somehow Someone knew I needed to hear it's message.

I dream of how things could be one day.
What I want to do or teach our Kids to do.

One is to give them no limits on their dreams.
I hope they will have big dreams and hope.
I hope they will believe anything is possible even if they have a tough road at times.
I hope they see it's just a bump or you never know it could be a sink hole,
 but to keep Believing and Trusting that they will get out
and
get out for the better.
It may not seem so at the time but one day it will.

My Dad always dreams big.
You can do anything you want to do.
He always has hope and sometimes crazy dreams.
We may laugh and sigh at what he says.
But he is right, he is oh so right.
Never lose sight of your dreams and if you do, take the time to find where they went.

“And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!” 
― Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You'll Go!

My Mom and Dad picked out this book and gave one to my Brother when he graduated high school and one for me when I graduated.

I truly love getting to read it to the Boys.
I hope it sticks.