The Ramblings of a Loony Toon

I will hopefully be posting “fun” (in my opinion) stuff from the Boys.

We finally got more space on the computer.

We knew we needed more computer space and we thought about buying a new hard drive.

Then the light bulb clicked. Why do that when you have two towers not being used with hard drives in them?

You know sometimes the obvious solution is the hardest to see.

Once Andrew was ready to get the needed cables to put them in, he opened up our tower we are using.

BEHOLD! Another hard drive..the fuzzy memory of that slowly came back to us.

You know it's not like there are other things that we've been thinking/worrying about.

One new cable purchase and now POOF there is a entire drive we can dedicate to the 8 gabillion photos we take.

Yes, 8 gabillion. It's a real number. Trust me...

In the world of Carrie Crazy..it MOST definitely is a number.

SO, How are things going?!

Well, they're going.

Time moves on even if we feel we are standing still.

Kids need fed, clothed, watered and their normal routine.

The internal battle of forcing yourself to keep on trucking when you brain and body feel like they are trying to shut down on you.

I really think for some days it happens to everyone.

They are just days like that.

I pretty often get asked, “How ARE YOU?”

Well, I am here.

I don't have a choice, it's the only option.

I am here. Some days (more often lately) I am forcing myself to try to do what I need to do.

It will get better. I KNOW it will, I may have to WILL it to happen and trust me I am strong willed.

Or really stubborn..strong willed sounds better.

We have an IEP meeting for Logan.

We have Kindergarten registration for Aidan.

I have meticulously researched schools for Kindergarten.

I have researched a new preschool for Logan to coordinate with where he currently is.

Then of course we want to start Daniel in preschool too.

Logan's long awaited appointment with a Duke Geneticist is coming up on Friday.

The end of last week I started having a hard time.

That is how it was with the biopsy.

Setting a date gets me in a funk.

The kind of funk where it's hard to wake up in the morning, my body hurts when I know there is no reason for it, my chest burns with fire, my thought process is even more scrambled than normal.

It will pass.

The same thing happened after the date of the biopsy was scheduled. (Case in point..repeat much?)

I then found my equilibrium and went into crazy woman cleaning, organizing, list making mode.

That and went to my Boot Camp class as much as possible and put the anxiety and frustration into class.

You know when it hurts to exercise and you want to give up I think about all that is bugging me

and

I don't know.

I guess visualize it and push all that tension, worry, anxiety into the exercises.

If I am running and it hurts, think about the crap and run faster.

In a way maybe visual running away from it all or really through it all.

I can run faster.

I can run harder.

The same goes with the weighted exercises.

But even more so, with all the tumor business it's not only about me.

It's about Andrew

and

the Boys.

If I fall apart they don't do so well.

They need me and I need them.

I worry about Andrew.

It's not easy being him.

He wants to help but has his work too.

He needs breaks too.

He needs a place to put his worry.

He needs time for himself.

He is a phenomenal man.

He is everything to me.

He is how I make it through bad days.

He comes to the rescue as much as he can.

He will make dinner, clean dishes, pick up toys and the list goes on.

He will watch me melt down and give me my space.

He will hold me when I need held.

He is my world and so much more.

You know we met when we were 15.

We had a lot of mutual friends.

He dated a lot of my friends.

We did not start dating until we were 19.

He was always there though throughout those years.

Even when we were just friends he was always on my mind.

Funny how things turn out.

We have so many people offer us so much help through all of this. We are incredibly grateful for all the nice gestures. We are definitely overwhelmed beyond belief. We will gladly accept help, sometimes we may have to be told, “I am doing this and that is that.” We are OK with that. We just have a hard time asking or thinking of particular needs/wants.

We know we are not alone and the upcoming weeks will be stressful and slow yet quick.

I still don't believe it all but then some days I do.

We do know we are very lucky and in all of this there is so much good.

SO SO much good. There really is.

Enough of this long drama-esque novel.

Happy Sweet photos and/or videos of the Boys will come.

Of course lots of silliness too.