An answer

So here goes...

My post-op appointment was originally scheduled for February 19^th. After the biopsy my neurosurgeon told everyone they would call when the results came in. He mentioned it could take up to two weeks.

At the time of my stitch removal (9 days) they had no information.

The days became agony.

By Monday I figured they HAD to call. My impatience got the best of me. I decided I wouldn't call and ask if they had them I would ask a different question to lead into that.

I called the surgical nurse and left a message with the gist of 7-14 calendar or business days?

So I spent the day taking moments to stare at the phone, yell at the Boys and try to will it to ring and when it did not say “Duke” on part of the caller ID I was not happy.

I was constantly forwarding the house calls to my cell while I was out and when I get home cancel it. Tuesday is appointment day for the Bitty and I waited and followed the same routine.

I was in our driveway getting the Boys out of the van after picking Aidan up from carpool when my cell rang...

Before when I have called and it took that long for the call back it was my neurosurgeon with news that we could hold off on the biopsy.

My heart stopped and adrenaline filled me.

Who is on the phone..the nurse or the doctor.

I had a dream a nurse called me with an answer. Is my dream true?

Well, it was the Nurse.

The conversation went:

Nurse: Dr. Grossi wants to see you this week to review your path labs.

Me: OK.

Nurse: I see your post-op is on the 19^th. You don't want to wait that long. Do you?

Me: No.

Nurse: Well, we can roll your post-op into an appointment this week too.

Me: OK

Nurse: How about first thing Thursday?

Me: OK

Nurse: I can do 8:15a. Is that too early?

Me: We'll make it work.

A few more non specific details and we hung up.

I dialed Andrew. He couldn't get to his phone. (I had talked to him maybe 5 minutes before)

I tried to text him to pick up but I could barely type.

I sent him a bunch of letters with possibly a few words in there too.

So I called him right back again.

He picked up.

I told him.

My mind goes a thousand miles an hours most days. It definitely sped up even more.

My thoughts:

He wants to see us in person.

They had to find something out.

What are they going to say?

Aidan has school. What are we going to do?

It must be bad.

He is going to refer me to someone else isn't he.

And the wonders went on..

I figured he would have called or had a nurse call to say they were not conclusive.

Right?!

Maybe I am wrong?!

I also felt a sense of relief of no longer having my heart stop when the phone rang.

I had a countdown to hopefully an “answer.”

I figured sleep would be hard to come by.

The 3 or so nights before the biopsy were pretty sleepless after I would have a 4 or so hour stretch. Usually up by 2-3am.

I woke Thursday at 3am.

I would sleep in maybe 15 minute increments and stare at the clock.

Toss and turn,

take a drink of water

and every so often feel like a Sumo Wrestler was sitting on top of my chest..

maybe an elephant...

or a house ...

My alarm was set for 5:15a. I got up before it and hopped in the shower.

I got myself ready.

Andrew got a shower.

The Boys woke up early.

We were in the van by 7:30.

Time was slow and fast.

Has everyone read this entire novel??

OK will shorten it up. 

  ( I tried..it didn't work..)

We waited for 30 or more minutes and heard him in the room next door.

The PA came in. She said he would be with us in a few. He got “accosted” at the hospital that morning. She checked out the biopsy site and asked how I was doing.

Then she said..

“He wanted me to tell you that it is what he thought it was.”

Me: I know.

PA: Does that make sense to you?

Me: Yes.

PA: OK.

I made a few random comments like I do when stressed.

She left and then within 5 minutes we heard him finish up with his other patient.

The door opened.

He is really great and we record our visits with him so we can process it all at a later time too.

After reviewing our over 25 minute clip I have heard things I missed on Thursday.

So....

pins and needles yet?!

Or have you scrolled down to the bottom and say screw all this rambling?

Dr. Grossi told us from the get go he believed it to be a low grade glioma.

The issue is, what kind of glioma?

I have a Grade 2 (low grade) well-differentiated astrocytoma.

Astrocytoma's are a type of glioma.

A grade 2 is very slow growing. (GOOD!!)

We already know from the last almost year of observing that it is growing at a slow rate.

It is not malignant. (GOOD!!)

We knew that already too.

Astrocytoma's grow “tentacles” that creep into small crevices of the brain. (YUCK!)

Right now mine doesn't show any tentacles on the MRI. (GOOD!!)

A grade 2 can change at any time to a higher grade. (YUCK!)

Grade 3 and 4 astrocytoma's are very quick growing and aggressive. (SUPER YUCK!)

If growing will only metastasize to other parts of my brain not my body.

Recurrences are possible and usually come back more aggressive than the first time. (BLEH.)

Temporal lobe is the best place to have them. (GOOD!)

The Dominant side temporal lobe is not the best. (BAD)

Mine is on my dominant side. (BOO!)

HOWEVER...we found it early while it is small enough. (GOOD!!)

We have about a half inch of leeway from what appears to be the end of the tumor before we hit the hippocampus. (GOOD!)

They won't know until they get in there and see what it really looks like to be sure.

They might not hit what seems to be “normal” tissue.

Dominant side hippocampus controls my speech, memory and motor function.

He said I could live without it a normal productive life but with noticeable deficits.

It would be visual memory, naming things, cognitive memory to name a few.

RIGHT NOW there are NO deficits and they won't want to give me any.

As he quoted the Hippocratic Oath, “First do no harm.”

It should be removed. It will be removed via craniotomy.

Not today, not tomorrow but in the upcoming months.

In the meantime he wants us to go visit The Duke Brain Tumor Center.

We will consult with them and then follow up with Dr. Grossi and schedule from there.

Bottom line is, surgery will not cure it. It is a chronic condition that must be monitored the rest of my life or until they find a cure.