Our "plan" or so we thought..

11 days..

Oh My.

I guess the reason I want to post about all that is going on right now is
well, to keep people informed
and
 a lot of information can be lost in translation.

Another reason I feel guilty for

is

selfishness.

I want to know that there are as many people out there

praying for us

or

thinking good thoughts for us.

The only way to get that is to let people know what is going on.

We live in a day where people are very private and don't want to “air their dirty laundry.”

My feelings are, let people know.

It shouldn't hurt you to let people know you are human.

It seems a lot of people want to give off a “perfect” life image.

No one has it “perfect.”

Whatever that means.

It's kind of like what is the definition of “normal?”

My normal is different from your normal.

My perfect is different from your perfect.

It's all about perspective.

We need challenges to grow

and

different people need different challenges.

We are all individuals.

Some people may seem to have it “worse.”

All I know is I have a great family, friends, a home, clean water, a warm bed...

I hope you get the drift.

Do I want granite counter tops?

Do I want a bigger yard?

Yes.

I would love to have plates for every season.

Is it practical?

No.

But, one day we may get those things if we so desire.

Will they change my life?

No.

OK..well maybe a bigger yard when you have 3 teenage boys.

I am grateful for all I have.

I am thankful for our “plan.”

This plan is not the “plan” I had for us.

There have been some bumps but it is way way better than “my plan.”

In my plan, we would have moved to another house by now.

I would be thinking of getting pregnant with our third child.

Our children would be 3 years apart. They were all typically developing.

I would have a super clean house on a tight cleaning/organizing schedule.

The list goes on...

What did we get?

The market crashes and moving won't happen for a while.

We have had neighbors move, die, get divorced, foreclosed on...

All in 7.5 years of living here.

I had our first child quickly and to “plan.”

Then when he was 8.5 months old I found out I was pregnant again.

I fell to the ground and cried.

I got back up and insisted that evening we would have a do over.

So we did.

We celebrated.

We sold a car that we had a lot of equity in.

Bought a cheap affordable car with cash.

We saved the money of the small car payment to help prepare for two babies 17 months apart.

Then all of a sudden our baby was not OK.

I was on bed rest and my Parents were out of town (they were to watch Aidan when I had Logan.)

I flipped out again.

I sat in the Doctor's office and bawled hysterically for a while.

Then I pulled myself together and listened to our new plan.

We then hit the perinatologist a few days later.

They sent me straight to the hospital to be induced.

My babies were 16 months apart.

They prepared us for a low 5 pound baby (Aidan was 8 lbs.)

He may not be able to breath on his own,

he may not be able to feed well,

he will have to pass extra tests before he goes home

because

he was deemed a preemie by my due date and his size.

Our Little Bitty was born 5 lb 3 oz, he came home at 4lb 12oz.

He did everything he “wasn't” supposed to do.

He was awesome.

He was a tad fussy at times.

I remember one day out of frustration saying,

“I did not do this to you on purpose.”

I was so overwhelmed.

Fast forward 11 months and I had told Andrew a few times let me know when you are ready for a third.

And he said, “Let's go!”

Lo and behold baby #3 came 9 months later.

My second OB appointment came and

we reviewed my blood work

and

found out this time I had “anti-c”.

An antibody in my blood that if the baby had a subtype of c my body would attack him and hurt him terribly.

They told us worst case scenario was “fetal hydrops.”

I still don't know if I have googled it yet.

They warned us not too.

Bottom line,

if my anti-c levels began to raise to a certain point my body would attack him

and

he would be born severely anemic or need an inutero blood transfusion.

In a way like people who are RH negative

but

I did not have an option of a magic injection to trick my body.

Monthly blood draws were needed.

Thankfully, it never became a concern.

After an eventful birth.

Our sweet 7 lb baby projectile vomited and screamed over 12 hours a day.

There was no help from our pediatrician until he finally witnessed the arc of his vomit.

We were sent over to a radiology place with a concern of pyloric stenosis.

Our baby may need surgery ASAP.

He was fine.

We changed his formula to soy.

*To all BF advocates, he was the same on breast milk.*

I thought I made sour milk and with no help from the pediatrician I gave up.

He also started being treated for reflux.

The following week he developed a cough.

Again, no help from the pediatrician's office.

I knew something was wrong.

Especially when I realized he wasn't waking to eat.

The next day he was diagnosed with RSV.

A few months of him still vomiting we met with an allergist.

We learned he has sensitivities to dairy and soy.

At 1 year old we learned these still to be true and now included nuts of all kinds.

By Logan's 2^nd birthday I knew something was not going as planned again.

AGAIN,

we faced no support from the pediatrician.

As told ,a month later I called back to get the referral for speech therapy that I was promised.

Within a month he was evaluated by an Occupational Therapist.

By August he had a diagnosis of Autism from the CDSA.

October he received a diagnosis from an MD.

December it was confirmed again when he was deemed eligible for services through the TEACCH program at UNC.

The list goes on...

From all of this I have learned.

If we did not have Logan. Our world would not be complete.

We would not have the understanding of Autism that we do now.

It was something we did not understand and our “opinions” tended to stand with all the naysayers regarding Autism.

We now see that was pure ignorance.

If Daniel hadn't screamed for 12 + hours a day then Logan's fits would have seemed even more terrible.

Luckily, Logan only tantrumed 4-6 hours a day due to his frustrations.

He has given us even more ways to see how the world works.
He has given us so much more understanding.

If I had not gotten pregnant with him..

well, we wouldn't have him,

our plan wouldn't have changed,

and here we would be wanting a third child.

It would not be the most opportune time to attempt to conceive.

My pregnancy with Daniel and our time wondering what we needed to do for Logan,

taught us patience and understanding.

It taught us to keep our Faith and Hope during times of great unknown.

All in all it prepared us for today,

Where we are.

We now know,

where we are today is only going to

better prepare us for tomorrow and the rest of our lives.

We are by no means perfect and daily see our lack of Grace.

But what we have is perfect for us

and

we are so grateful for all we are given.