The Lessons for Patience

So, I have heard a few times

about how positive I am being amongst things.

I guess I can be

 but

I am at a low point lately.

At 10 weeks post-op I have hit a bump

in the road.

I am good most days but hit

a lull I can't quite seem to get out of.

I lose my patience with the Kids

and

the mess that is accumulating in the house.

The bathrooms that need cleaning,

the floors that need vacuumed

and

mopped.

I thought I could handle it on a slow pace.

So far, not quite.

It really just depends on how the day

with the Boys go.

Last weekend while in at supreme exhaustion

Andrew was picking up the mess that

has continued to be fed by the

Boys.

He ran the vacuum, made lunches, dinner,

dishes etc.

My Husband is a great support

and

a bearer of mass weight on his shoulders.

I am really only at 50%

we make it through

thanks to him.

He helps beyond belief and then some.

We don't get much time together

I am usually asleep

or

at a point lately of horrible frustration.

I did well for the first 9.5 weeks.

I am now frustrated.

And so incredibly mad at myself for being frustrated.

The mass destruction of toys

always bugs me.

Therefore I clean up or make

things go away.

We have quite a bit talked about reducing the

amount of things we have.

They aren't necessary.

Trying to convince people

that the Boys don't need toys galore.

There is just too much.

We have talked about reducing

for a while now.

The need is there

however, the energy and focus on

my part isn't there yet.

I was so tired yesterday that I

wanted to make popcorn.

Over the course of 4 hours

I got out the kernels,

the pan, the oil,

the sea salt

and the lid.

Yes, it took four hours for me to

get the focus to get out

the needed items.

By the time I got it all out

I was too tired to make it.

Insert frustration, anger,

minimal patience.

So on a Friday after a long week

my Husband comes home to a

torn apart house,

me who was half awake on the couch,

the Boys running rampant,

stuff sitting out in the kitchen

from my popcorn attempt,

and

me super grumpy about what I did not do.

I did however, wash sheets, take the Logan to school,

ran to a grocery with Aidan and Daniel.

Fed them lunch but never got that quite cleaned up,

fresh sheets on the little's beds.

That consumed all my energy.

How, do I release frustration?

Exercise, physical activity..

How do you do that when you are exhausted?

It was just a junk day.

I was asleep before 8p

and in bed until 7:30a today.

7:30 is when Boot Camp is on Saturday's.

I woke up too tired to go.

After all that sleep, still tired!

Insert more frustration there.

**Remember, I was told by many specialists

not to get frustrated at what I can't do

to give it time**

My 2 cents is:

I made it this far, why NOW?!?!

Well, the weather is beautiful, actually cool

minimal humidity.

Blue cloudless skies, nice strong breeze.

Andrew headed out and mowed the yard, edged, trimmed.

Then all 5 of us headed out back for fresh air.

Filled with supreme allergens

so now congestion, hoarse coughs,

runny noses

and

antihistamine taken preventatively.

I did a few out door chores in the back.

We took down the second level of my raised garden.

The dirt I made last year?!

GORGEOUS!!!

Yes, I bought all top soil, compost, etc.

Made some supreme soil to grow our veggies in.

Yes, I am bragging, it's super pretty!

I took down some briars growing

from our neighbors yard into ours.

Those root systems are strong.

I took it out on those guys!

Needless to say, I was just clipping briars

also reaching through the fence (the house next door is

empty and in pre-foreclosure :( )

so I have to get a handle on those briars

because they get into our yard

and go right where Logan and

Cooper love to play.

So, yes, after some clipping I took a break.

I sat on down, out of breath, and wiped.

Explaining to Andrew that when I say I

go to Boot Camp and modify my exercises.

I REALLY REALLY do!

Not that he is one to convince.

He knows and trusts me

but it was my 2 cents

due to some critical vocal parties.

I caught my breath

and

trimmed my rose bush that is

from my Great Grandma Crase's house.

Everyone has one in their yard.

After she passed away,

my Grandpa (her oldest son of 8 children!!)

made sure all of his Kids and Grandkids

have a part of her bush to keep at our homes!

I trimmed some crazy parts

and

worked on some bushes I had

moved into our back by our AC's.

That helped me relieve my frustration.

To see things how they are.

Another lesson of learning patience.

Lots of things going on, patience is key and so is trust.

There is more than must my tiredness, a few things we aren't at a point to talk about yet,

Daniel having an allergic reaction but seems to be heading

down it's nasty path

of more ring worm.

YET, NO ONE ELSE HAS IT!

A long frustrating call with a nurse at the Ped's office.

That is a whole other post of how one of my soap box moments.

Which is more so give another side others don't always get to see.

But anyways, Everyone has difficulties.

No matter what they are.

We all have them, all on different levels, all

at different times.

Anything easy is not worth having.

We all have our paths we are lead to,

our paths to follow or stray from.

Our lessons to learn

and

hopefully learn something to help others,

to make the world a better place.

No matter how little or possibly

seemingly irrelevant.

It will help someone somewhere.

We are all different.

If we all were the same how

boring would the world be?!

This is all here for a reason,

however given.

Keep Hope, Faith, Patience.

From a friend I was given a wonderful song to listen to.

A video to watch.

It is 22 minutes.

It is wonderful and sad too.

It is about a teenager who passed away this week.

But, his way of handling it.

I bought one of his songs

and will soon

buy the others.

It goes to a great cause

and

to me his song, “Clouds”

it is about his way of dealing with a terminal illness.

But, listen to it if you feel you want.

It can be put into anyone's difficult times.

To me it is a motivating song.

Take your chances while you have them,

try, you can do it.

Don't let things bring you down,

find some good in it.

Take on the challenge!

So, my main purpose

is to spread interest in this teenager.

He has a web site:

http://www.childrenscancer.org/zach/

It has everyone on it.

His music, his story, the video.

It may bring you to tears.

Keep hope

and

of course buying his music

(which is addictive to me)

goes to a wonderful cause.

A simple and easy on the budget donation.

To something some may feel strongly about,

if you don't

that's OK.

We each have our own things that mean a lot to us.

Slowly, digging out and letting out frustration

and

Thank you Dear Lord for giving me

such a wonderful man

that I am sharing my life with.

I will try to keep my patience.

A constant lesson we are being given.